Film Review: Koizora / Sky of Love (2007)
Blue Skies and Cherry Blossoms: Miura’s Spring Awakenings
by Ender’s Girl
“Nothing really matters / I don’t really care
What nobody tells me / I’m gonna be here
It’s a matter of extreme importance
My first teenage love affair…”
Alicia Keys, “Teenage Love Affair”
Ah, Spring! Never experienced it, lol. (Here in the tropics, we have only two seasons: El Niño and La Niña, hahaha) …And [noona alert!!! run away run away!!!] ah, Miura Haruma! — the ultimate poster boy for Spring: bright-eyed, fresh-faced and with a smile so sweetly accessible, a young man on the cusp of bloom standing tall and pure amid the orgiastic freakscape of dancing plassstic Johnny-botsss
It would only be fitting for an actor of Miura’s looks and appeal to move past the mandatory silliness of his earlier work and anchor his promising career on heartthrob roles of the young-adult persuasion. After all, the boy turned 21 this year, so forget the shounen-manga adventurism of the Bloody Mondays or the high school hijinks of Gokusen 3 and Samurai High School; because the real rite of passage, the definitive landmark of any aspiring leading man’s career, is the Romantic Drama Screen Test (RDST): 1) Can you convincingly play someone who’s young and in love? 2) Can you make female audiences fall in love with your character, and with you? and 3) Can you do it again and again until you make the transition to Hot Single Dad/Elder Statesman roles? (I hope you’re taking notes, KimuTaku. ha,ha,ha)
We all know how a 24-year-old Kimura aced his RDST in Long Vacation back in ‘96 (and no, Asunaro Hakusho doesn’t count, hahaha. eeewww geeks hahaha); ditto Tsumabuki Satoshi in the contemporary classic, Orange Days in 2004 (although fans may argue that Lunch Queen in 2002 was the real turning point). To follow this matinee-idol trajectory would be a wise career move as any for someone of Miura’s type. I mean, if weird little Kame, who skews more towards “horny hobgoblin” than “hetero heartthrob,” pulled it off beautifully in Tatta Hitotsu no Koi, then it ought to be a cinch for wholesome, normal-looking Haruma-kun, right?
Prior to 2011, Miura the TV Actor seemed happier spending his teen years out-hacking cyber-terrorists or goofing off with his deadbeat high school homies (*loves on Shirota Yu*) than really getting serious about romahhhnce (unless you count his turn as Shida Mirai’s 15-year-old babydaddy in 14 Sai no Haha, hahaha). (And I’ll ignore – for now – his eyebrow-raising performance as an affianced high school instructor who tangles with a student in that Winter 2011 ren’ai with a riddikulooosly long name. Hold your thoughts on the matter; all I’m going to say is that soon, very soon, Miura and I are going to have a very, very long chat. Behind closed doors. Come to noona! Lulz)
Whereas Miura the Movie Actor already has a number of romantic films under his belt, the most popular being Koizora (Sky of Love), the 2007 celluloid version of the cell phone novel turned pop-culture phenom, and 2010’s Kimi ni Todoke (From Me to You), based on the hit shoujo manga and anime of the same name. In both movies, Miura romances the female protag (played by Aragaki Yui and Tabe Mikako, respectively), first as a bleached-haired badass biker boy in Koizora, then as a high school Prince Charming in Kimi ni Todoke.
Although Koizora and Kimi ni Todoke are hugely different movies in terms of material and themes explored, the one thing they do have in common is the pretty. Pretty, pretty actors against pretty, pretty backdrops. So pretty!!! And I daresay you’ll find both movies quite entertaining, albeit for very, very different reasons. *remembers Koizora with fondness* Read on!
Koizora: Because Life’s a Bitch and Then You Die… of Laughter
Miura Haruma, Aragaki Yui, Nakamura Aoi
Directed by Imai Natsuki / TBS Pictures, 2007
In a Nutshell:
Shy high school girl falls for resident bad boy. Then sh*t happens. (And how!!!)
(SpoilLert: Just like the movie, expect everything but the kitchen sink in this review. Come to think of it, might as well throw in that damn sink. *ker-SPLAT!!!*)
A word to the unsuspecting: do NOT let this movie fool you!!! The title and promotional posters would want you to expect a regular teen coming-of-age romance – replete with clear blue skies and pretty rainbows and carefree bike rides and picnics and snowmen and la-la-la-la and maybe a little weepy on the side – but don’t be fooled!!! This is a sick and irredeemably warped movie!!! Run away!!! Run away!!!
But if you’re the type of feller who doesn’t mind a little self-inflicted torment here and there, then – to quote Seth Rogen from The Green Hornet – will you take my hand, and come with me on this adventure? Hahahahahha
First thing we do is punch a hole right through Koizora’s highly fraudulent advertising. Koizora, your average teen love story, is it??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Deconstruct this movie and what you’ll get is a really retarded version of Spring Awakening crossed with The Jerry Springer Show, coming rigged with every bluddy makjang trope from every bluddy makjang ever made since the first makjangs sprouted along the banks of the Han River in 1582 BC. (For non-Kdrama viewers, makjang dramas <=> U.S./Mexican/etc. daytime soaps.) Koizora is a 2-hour FML festival (yes, as in, “F*** My Life”) about an ingenuous (ingenuous <=> retarded) high school girl named Mika who goes through what may best be described as… not a bad-hair day, or even a bad-hair week or month, but a bad-hair life. Murphy’s Law is a person, and her name is Mika!
But wait, you ask. Really, what’s the worst that can happen to her, she’s just in high school for goodness’ sake. So she goes through a little adolescent angst, gets her heart broken for the first time, experiences the requisite coming-of-age pangs of Puppy Love? No biggie, right? WRONG. Oh it’s Puppy Love all right – Puppy Love at its rabid, homicidal worst. Our naïve little heroine finds love, all right – plus a whole sh*tload of complications, some even of the criminal variety (tsk tsk). This ain’t a nice teen romance, but a day visit to the JUVIE PSYCH WARD. Falling in love has never been so monumentally f***ed-up as it’s shown to be in Koizora, that by the movie’s end you’ll have sworn off love, libraries, and Miura Haruma for the rest of your life (…okay maybe not… Miura Haruma lol. come to noona!!! hahaha).
The movie starts out innocently enough: A twenty-something Mika (Aragaki Yui) looks out the window of a train reminiscing her First Love, who may or may not still be alive, but whom we can safely infer is no longer in her life. Mika’s voiceover: “If I had not met you that day, then I would not have experienced that pain and sadness… but then had I not met you, I would not have experienced that joy, excitement, preciousness, and the feeling of absolute happiness. How are you now? I continue to love the vast blue… <wait for it> SKY.” Okay, so that opening spiel was a tad treacly, but certainly not reason enough to hit the eject button, you argue. But wait – there’s MOAR!!!
One Missed Call
Flashback to high school, with Mika as your typical dreamy-eyed freshman who is just discovering the untold joys of pink lip gloss and the opposite sex. One fine spring day, a boy from another section corners her in the hallway and attempts to wheedle out her phone number. Repulsed by his presumptuousness and multiple skin piercings (btw the boy here is a very young and unrecognizable Nakamura Aoi, pre-Q.E.D.), Mika tries to evade the boy’s unwanted attention – and bumps smack into his friend Hiro (Miura Haruma), who with the baggy pants, spiky blond pouf, and ear piercing, must be another baaad boyyy OHNOES!!! (Btw, Miura throughout this movie = fashion YUCK.)
But Mika thinks nothing of their first encounter, preoccupied as she is with the more quotidian things in her student life. One day she loses her mobile phone at school, and although it turns up later on a shelf in the library, Mika discovers that some creepy student has gotten to her gizmo first, and has apparently deleted ALL of her contacts but left his number in the phone’s address book. (I know I know, all together now: WTF right? But wait – there’s MOAR!!!) Mika’s phone suddenly rings – it’s the creep calling to regale her with his tampering exploits, and the stupendousness of his reasoning is equaled only by the arrogance in which it is delivered: “If they want to talk to you, they’ll call you,” says Mystery Boy, Despoiler of Mobile Phones.
It appears that Mystery Boy wants Mika (and her phone) AAAALL to himself. But only a numpty like Mika would meekly swallow this new arrangement instead of doing the only sensible thing a girl can do when she realizes her privacy has just been violated, which would be to yell into the receiver, “Imma break yer balls, creeeeeeep!!!” and run home as fast as she could. Alas, as our heroine has neither the cojones nor the IQ points to tell her stalker off, this strange exchange thus becomes the anchoring point for Mika and Mystery Boy’s summer-long… <wait for it> phone fling!!!
Summer Lovin’, Happened So Fast… (Tell Me MOAR, Tell Me MOAR!)
Despite that library scene foreshadowing Mystery Boy’s sociopathic obsession with Mika, the movie is still relatively pleasant up to this point, as the two youngsters spend every day of their vacation talking about everything under the sun, as teenagers are wont to do: e.g. Mystery Boy’s facial features!… things Mika likes (flowers! an empty school! <dun-dun-duuunnn> the library!) and dislikes!… urban legends circulating their school!… Mika’s insecurities! (she thinks she’s plain) and skin texture! (he: “Is your body soft?” she: (still not getting the yucky phone-sex vibes) “My body is very stiff” hahahaha the silly bint)… Mika’s family problems!… Mika’s birthday! (and on her otanjoubi, he sings to her in this high-pitched voice that manages to be both creepy and LOLtastique at the same time, hahaha. ohhh Miura. you may be 9324934x better looking than them Johnnies, but you sing just as bad hahaha)…
Although the secret-admirer shtick verges on the pervy at times, I kind of liked that this all happens while Mika does random everyday things like brushing her teeth or lazing about the house, her cell phone plastered to her ear the whole time. Didn’t we use to do that in high school, spend long hours on the phone with our crush du jour, zoning everything out as if the voice on the other end of the line were the only sound that mattered in the world? So points for nostalgia and believability here.
The new school year rolls around and Mystery Boy decides it’s time for <dun-dun-duuun> The Big Reveal! Mika agrees to meet him on the rooftop after class, and – surprise, surprise, it’s Bad Boy Hiro, he of the bleached hair and skin piercings!!! And he brought her flowers!!! But pure, sweet, freaked-out Mika rejects the offering and bolts, calling him a “silver haired scary person.” (LMAO)
But later that afternoon, Mika sees Hiro PLANTING THE SPURNED FLOWERS in the school’s flower bed, and this melts her trusting little kokoro!!! Feeling a little guilty about her earlier rebuff, she stops for a chat, and in joyful response he takes the garden hose and points it at the sun!!! Where a brilliant rainbow materializes above them!!! As if to auspiciously say, “Let young love blossom as the flowers bloom!!! Grow my pretties, grow, grow!!!”
Let’s Get This Party Started!!!
And then – ZOMG HAHAHAHAHA THE FUN IS JUST BEGINNING!!!!! Cut to Mika sitting in class, listless and bored. Her phone beeps: it’s Hiro, commanding her to “Come to the library now.” Thinking he’s in some kind of trouble, the ninny fakes a stomach ache for a hall pass and makes a beeline for the library. (I mean it’s the frakking school library. What life-threatening accident could Hiro have possibly gotten into? Tripped on a globe? Inadvertently swallowed a date stamp? Hahahaha) But it turns out that ALL THE HORNY LITTLE CREEP wants to do is play hooky… and then make whoopee. Gawwwd.
So they sneak off campus and go on a bike ride! He takes her home, to his room! They make out on the floor, but he wants MOAR! And he promises to be gentle! (Hahahahahaha) In fact he’s SO gentle that they do it with their clothes on! (Ahahahahahaha how did they DO that? I don’t know I don’t know!!! Let’s just driiink!!! DRIIIINK!!!)
Just before sunset she wakes up but he’s still asleep – and then the creep mumbles some floozy’s name!!! (Ahahahahahha) Feeling like a dirty used rag, Mika flees The Room of Deflowering, but a few minutes later Hiro rouses and calls her up for a really awkward post-coital phone chat, i.e. He: “The hoochie whose name I uttered repeatedly in my sexually sated stupor? Oh that was my ex-girlfriend. Who’s a psychotic ho, by the way.” She: “C-can I trust you?” (LMFAO driiink!!! DRIIINK!!!)
Oh but it gets better!!! It gets better! So for their first real date, Mika and Hiro agree to meet at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere. She gets there early, then suddenly a minivan pulls over – and there are TEENAGE HOODS INSIDE!!! They grab her and zoom off, and next thing Mika knows the van stops beside a poppy field (or whatever)! The door slides open and Mika gets out and they chase her into the meadow, where they line up and have their way with her amid the flattened red flowers!!! Then the lowlifes leave Mika in the Field of Rape, and then it’s nighttime, and Mika’s huddled in a ditch by the wayside!!! A lone biker careens down the road – and it’s Hiro!!! Who’s at least several hours late for their date! (tsk tsk)
Mika can’t believe Hiro managed to find her in the dark, squatting amid the weeds. “How did you find me?” she squeaks as he pulls her into a frantic embrace. Hiro the Useless pulls back, gazes into Mika’s eyes and solemnly replies, “This is the power of my love.”
<takes a moment>
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! The power of my love??? The power of my love??? LMFAOOOOO!!! BEST SCENE EVAR!!! Apparently love not only “makes you strong” (to quote from YamaPi the Philosopher-Pecs, lol), but it also endows you with a built-in homing device that honks whenever your ladylove is in danger!!! DRIIIINK!!!
Indeed, hell hath no fury like a useless turd of a boyfriend who arrived too late to save his girlfriend from a sex crime. (Too late the… Hiro, eh? Lulz) So our Mr. Furious tracks the thugs to a darkened warehouse (of course!), hops off his dinky little bike (but since he’s wearing a BLACK LEATHER JACKET he’s obviously invincible!!) and singlehandedly thrashes them into confessing! Turns out the mastermind is Hiro’s ex-GF Saki, who ordered the dirty job to get back at Hiro for dumping her… which would make Hiro indirectly to blame for Mika’s woes, oh wow! Hiro finds Saki and drags her BY THE HAIR to fling before Mika’s feet, growling murderously, “Mika, how should we punish her? One word from you and I’ll kill her!” (HAHAHAHAHHA Hiro you comedian. DRIIINK!!!) But moved to pity, Mika stays his wrathful hand! She forgives Saki!!! (tsk tsk) (Well dammit, Hiro shoulda just stiffed the skank, gotten himself arrested, and spent the rest of his life in the slammer, end of story let’s all go home. Alas, whoever wrote this stinker of a tale just didn’t know when to stop.)
So Mika goes home and bravely tries to put the trauma behind her. But her classmates are less than sympathetic, leaving malicious graffiti scrawled on the blackboard for the whole school to see. This calls for a job for – Hiro!!! Who barges into the classroom, takes one look at the blackboard, whirls around angrily and spits out, “Who did this? Who dared to bully my girl? If you ever do this again, even if you’re a girl, I won’t let you get away with it! I’ll protect Mika no matter what!!!” (You gotta hand it to the writer, Hiro does have the best lines in this movie. The best!!! Hahahaha DRIIINK!!!)
Babies Making Babies, and Other Oddities
Hiro grabs Mika and they run off to the library (of course), where she tells him, “Hiro… I’m not afraid anymore.” Meaning she’s no longer scared of future rapists and psycho ex-GFs, bring ‘em ON. Hiro may not be able to PREVENT future acts of violence, but at least he’ll get mad, get VERY MAD at the perps!!! (Hahahaha) They celebrate their Promise of Love (at the Dolphin Bay, lol) by makin’ s’MOAR whoopee ON THE LIBRARY FLOOR, between the first bookshelf and the freakin’ display table. The two kiddos are so consumed by lust they don’t even bother to find a dark nook somewhere (although this is a high school library, so I doubt there’d be dark nook for.. er, nookie, anywhere, ne?), AND they do it FULLY CLOTHED. AGAIN. Hahahahahaha DRIIINK!!!!
Then oh wow – Mika learns that she’s PREGNANT with Hiro’s child!!! He’s thrilled and can’t wait to be a father! He even wants to marry her! But before Hiro the Honorable formally asks Mika’s parents for her hand, he dyes his hair back to his natural dark color – because he wants to prove to them that this reformed, er, Brash Brat (ehehe) is oh-so-serious about their precious daughter!!! (Hahahaha) At least Mika’s parents approach the teen wedlock issue more realistically (i.e. are supportive but with reservations, in contrast to Hiro’s folks’ blithe acceptance), but capitulate anyway under the earnestness of their daughter’s bright-eyed impregnator with the normal-colored hair.
Just when the future is looking rosy for Mika and Hiro, Saki re-enters the picture to exact her revenge on Mika!!! Mika delivers this contender for best line of the film (“Hiro isn’t a possession!” — she’s wrong though, ‘coz Hiro is a tool, and tools are possessions too, bwahahaha) before Psycho-Skank Saki pushes her down the stairs, ohnoes!!!
It doesn’t take a genius to figger it out: preggers teener dogged by misfortune + murderous psychotic biyatch + a tumble down a flight of stairs = miscarriage! On Christmas Eve!!! (Okay I’ll admit this part was a little sad, especially when Hiro rushes off to the shrine to pray for their child while Mika wakes up in a haze of sedatives only to be told that she just lost her baby. And the scene where they leave a little snowman in their flowerbox and say a pray for their dead daughter… that was very sad.)
(Sidebar: I just need to take a short breather from Koizora and say: Seriously??? THIS is what high-schoolers go through these days??? Back in my time all me and my chums ever did after school was hang out at the benches under the trees discussing books or our favorite alt-rock bands, or we’d hie off to the nearby mall to play Whac-a-Mole at the gaming arcade before blowing our allowance on Dairy Queen Blizzards and The Mighty Ducks collectibles. The world was so young and innocent back then, tsk tsk. Lol)
Sophomore year, spring term. Mika doesn’t see much of Hiro, he won’t return her calls etc etc, then her friend throws a party which turns out to be nothing more than a teen orgy of sexdrugsrocknroll in some garret, and oh oh oh – Hiro’s also at the pahr-TAY! And he’s back to sporting his bleached hair!!! And strumming a mean-looking electric guitar, and flirting with the girls!!! Alas, it can only mean one thing: Bad Boy Hiro is BACK!!! (Hahahahhaha DRIIINK!!!)
So later that night while everyone’s passed out on the floor, some stoned creep starts to grope Mika, making her flee to the bathroom. But when she comes out, she sees Hiro sucking face with a hoochie!!! Hurt! Pain! Heartbreak!
Back at school, Mika sees Hiro in the library aka the Room of Unprotected Nookie. Let’s break up, he tells her cruelly! Because he’s tired of monogamy! She later spams him with text messages about how she won’t give up on their love and all that sad, desperate sh*t, and even tries to lure him back into the library hoping to trigger memories of their lusty little interludes in the General Reference section, but he never comes!!! Pain! Agony! Heartbreak!!!
After a relatively uneventful school year of being ignored by Hiro, Mika finds herself at a goukon with some college boys (ooooh!). (College boys <=> Koide Keisuke and that geekboy from Code Blue, who makes a sad geeky pass at Mika with the pickup line, “W-would you like to r-ride the D-doctor Heli with me?” Lawlll)
But it’s Koide Keisuke whom Mika feels drawn to because he has gentle eyes and is studious and responsible and likes long walks and flowery speech, i.e. Exhibit A:
Koide Keisuke: “Tell me about your First Love.”
Mika: “He’s like a river. His waves take everything away.”
Koide Keisuke: “If he’s the river, then I am the… <wait for it!> SEA.”
(Ahahahahahahaha WTF, right? Is this guy fo’ realz??? From one nutjob to another, ehhh Mika? No wonder your life is so screwed. Hahahahaha DRIIINK!!!)
Apparently the most efftardedly insipid of metaphors are Mika’s kind of thang, and she happily jumps into a relationship with Koide “Shakespeare” Keisuke. Fast forward to Christmas Eve, and Mika’s on her way to her dead baby’s shrine at the Flowerbox of Regret, when she sees Hiro there (!!!) and — he’s wearing a beanie (!!!) and his face is unnaturally chalky (!!!) – SO HE MUST HAVE CANCER, RIGHT??? *rolleyes* But these visual clues sail past Mika’s pretty head and she trundles unsuspectingly back to Boyfriend Numbah Two, thus prolonging everyone’s misery (not least of all the viewer’s).
Come high school graduation (finally!), Mika notices Hiro’s conspicuous absence from the ceremony. Not the brightest bulb in the room, she goes off to college still clueless about Hiro’s worsening condition. When Koide Keisuke proposes to her the following Christmas Eve, who does she bump into at the flowerbed/shrine but Nakamura Aoi, who reveals (finally!) that Hiro’s been sick since their second year in high school!!! *rolleyes* Which was around the time he suddenly and inexplicably turned cold towards Mika!!! *rolleyes* (Well at least the end’s in sight now, yay. Nothing like terminal sickness to neatly tie up a convoluted narrative.)
Mika breaks up with Koide Keisuke despite his last-ditch efforts to cling on (“Don’t go to see him!” lmao), and then she runs off to be with Hiro at the hospital, where she sees him still wearing their engagement ring! Hugs of forgiveness and tenderness and sweet, sweet regret all around! Mika vows to take good care of Hiro until his very last breath – which, judging from his wan, long-suffering smile, can’t be too long off. But the young lovers make one last truant bicycle ride to the library (no nookie though, hahaha), then to their favorite grassy spot by the river (well at least it ain’t in the Field of Rape, hahaha), where Hiro makes Mika A CROWN OF FLOWERS before collapsing against a tree, sobbing. (Hahahahahaha) Then he finally says the three magic words (“I rabu you”) which could’ve saved them both a buttload of heartache had he told her this SOONER. *rolleyes* And Hiro’s dying wish? “I want to become the… <wait for it> SKY…” (Hahahahahahahhaa DRIIIINK!!!!)
So the sick little creep finally breathes his last.*moment of silence… NOT. hahahaha* In the throes of grief, Mika attempts to jump off a bridge but gets thwarted by a flock of white birds presumably sent by Hiro’s spirit to protect her (not unlike Jeon Ji-hyun and her giant life-saving hand-shaped balloon in Windstruck – but in a more “hahaha man that’s stoopid” kind of way). And then there’s something about Mika discovering Hiro’s blue diary (!!!) filled with pictures upon pictures of her, and Mika looking at the sky smiling, and origami birds on a train. Then roll credits — and IT’S THE END!!!! THE END!!!! DRIIIINK!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Portrait of the Makjang as a J-Movie
There’s really nothing to analyze in this sodden, self-indulgent mess of melo-porn, so don’t even bother. But laugh at it, yes, and laugh heartily, for it shall bring you many a merry (albeit brain-destroying) moment. Few productions can out-makjang the makjang, but Koizora manages to do just that!
The problem with this type of narrative – and melos/makjangs in general – is that it desensitizes the viewer to the multiple whammies (gang-rape! teen pregnancy! spontaneous abortion! psychotic people! cancer!) that bludgeon the main characters from every conceivable direction, start to finish. Instead of being given one or two major plot conflicts to focus on and build one’s sympathies around, the viewer easily gets alienated from the characters because they’ve become mere objects of tragedy and misfortune rather than flesh-and-blood human beings grappling with the challenges of their world.
This doesn’t mean that the societal evils and hot-button issues tackled in Koizora do not exist; my beef is with the overweening treatment these topics are given in the film: there’s no real gut-wrenching gravitas to the story, only a glib artificiality to the plot contrivances – as if the writer were pulling randomly from a grab bag of Horrible Things, hoping to meet some sick boo-hoo quota.
This kind of melodrama-pastiche treatment also cheapens the true-to-life experiences of people in the real world who have been victimized by gang-rape, or battled an incurable disease, or lost a stillborn child. It diminishes their tragedy and loss while insulting the intelligence of the movie viewers, who are actually expected to believe that — yes, Virginia, all these hardships CAN happen to just ONE person. You CAN get sexually assaulted, AND get preggers, AND miscarry your baby, AND watch your boyfriend die of cancer – all before your 20th birthday. *rolleyes* But do not worry, because you will invariably come out A STRONGER PERSON!!!
I would’ve invested more in Mika and Hiro’s relationship had I actually gotten to know them before the story started dumping green slimy buckets of misery on them both, like they do to celebrities at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. (Every time something awful happened to Mika I felt like screaming (rather gleefully), “You got SLIMED!!!” Hahahaha) I also would’ve invested more in the whole story if the dialogue weren’t so farking CHEESY. *throws up in mouth* And also if Aragaki Yui and Miura Haruma had infused a little pathos and street cred into their work, instead of approaching their roles with sweet-faced vacuity and constipated, hammy zeal, respectively. (Miura easily chalks this up as his worst perf EVAR. My best friend remarked that as cringe-worthy as Miura’s portrayal was, the fact that he could deliver such drippy dialogue with a straight face – hahahhaha – made it even worse.)
The biggest whammy of all is that the anonymous author of the film’s source book – a mobile phone novel (keitai shousetsu) entitled “Koizora: Setsunai Koi Monogatari” – claimed that the plot was culled from her life experiences…… Um, seriously, this sh*t was autobiographical??? HAHAHAHAHAHA. If Koizora was based on a true story, then I’m a yodeling Swiss goatherd named Juergen, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What’s even more disturbing is that Japan effing BOUGHT the tripe and let it snowball into a “cultural phenomenon,” according to Wiki. The novel went viral in 2005 with a whopping 20 million subscriptions, then sold two million copies in hard print, and even spawned its own manga, dorama and film adaptations. (Srsly Jpn srslyyyy???????) Apparently, the whole country got a collective kick from reading about the never-ending woes of their favorite teenage love martyr, never mind if these were probably nothing more than the hyperactive fantasies of a lonely, affection-starved bint who happened to have too much time on her hands. Poor critter, I hope she finally grew a life.
All together now: DRIIIIIINK!!!!!
Artistic & technical merit: D-
Entertainment value: D
Photo credits: aigoo-iichan.blogspot.com, angryanimebitches.wordpress.com, asian-eiga.blogspot.com, asianmediawiki.com, ciachiaa.blogspot.com, club.ados.fr, darling79.blogspot.com, fadedshadow.xanga.com, flickr.com, fymh.tumblr.com, fyifamilies.com, gatopardos.com, hyorina.tumblr.com, jfilm.tumblr.com, jktcraze.blogspot.com, maypang-amin.com, micacola.glogster.com, mylot.com, m-y-m1nd.blogspot.com, nikpi-0409.blogspot.com, nipponcinema,com, pom16.multiply.com, randomc.net, secretbear @ polyvore.com, singlelittlethingofmine-evelynwann.blogspot.com, ssangcheo.tumblr.com, whattamessgurl.wordpress.com, yousaytoo.com