Drama Rant: Zettai Kareshi / Absolute Boyfriend (Fuji TV, 2008)
Robots R Us!
by Ender’s Girl
Mizushima Hiro, Hayami Mokomichi, Aibu Saki, and assorted pastries
In a Nutshell:
Three robots in a love triangle. ‘Nuff said.
(SpoilLert: Not. Enough. Data. *whir, whir*)
Durrr… can robots learn to love? Can a human fall for a(n incredibly good-looking) household appliance? Can Japan possibly think of a screwier premise for a drama? And will the Blue Fairy magically appear and grant the Loverbot’s wish to become A Real Boy? Do I look like I give a flying fig? *throws up in mouth*
Haha, but the premise looks straight out of some trashy romance novel. A LoveDroid!!! Made especially for Hot! Robot! Nookie!!! Designed and assembled to tailor-fit your intimacy needs!!! Requires minimal clothing! In fact, can function in a perpetual state of dishabille! Batteries not included! Must re-charge at night while squatting on your toilet seat! And the clincher — comes with the perfect male stripper name: Night-o!!! (LMAO! whattaname! whattaname!!!!!)
*Googles the drama* Waiiit… the actor who played Night-o was that tall skinny student dude in Gokusen 2?!???? Fo’ real???? Had. No. Idea. Can. Not. Compute. Can. Not. Compute… *self-destructs* Well, in Zettai Kareshi he’s as handsome and well-built (hihihi) as a Greek statue… but not really my type. I wonder why that is… Oh, I dunno, maybe it’s because I prefer real live flesh ‘n’ blood human beings, and not this bundle of electrical wiring, fiberglass, and fake epithelial tissue, eeeewwww. Really, to fall in love with a robot…? How unnatural!!! *shudders*
But… not if the one falling in love with that robot — is ANOTHER ROBOT!!! (Well, stuff me with succotash, if it isn’t Aibu Saki!!!) My, my, if it isn’t the prettiest little automaton to ever come off the production line! (Ganbatte, Aibu Saki! Ganbatte!!!) Her character, an aspiring pastry chef, spends her days on this drama doing five things: 1) pining after Mizushima Hiro, 2) looking spaced out, 3) perfecting her cream puff recipe, 4) staving off Night-o’s programmed advances, and 5) looking spaced out.
Mizushima Hiro plays some rich dude who owns the company that Aibu Saki works for, the one who sniffs a potential hit in the 3,103,988 cream puffs that Aibu Saki bakes throughout the drama. Hiro is little more than a useless mass of black, greasy curls and cheekbones on this drama, and he’s sooooo devoid of all life and feeling, that I’ll bet my brother’s old Gundam Wing action figures that Mizushima Hiro — is ALSO A ROBOT!!!!! Wow wow wow!!!
Strangely enough, I actually started to feel sorry for that damn Night-o-matic in the final episode of the drama. He falls in love with Aibu Saki but this new, un-programmed emotion causes his system to go haywire. (Poor Night-o hanging and rebooting like an old Pentium 2 was really kind of sad to watch.)
Reminded me of that scene from The Wizard of Oz:
Dorothy: “Goodbye, Tin Man. Oh, don’t cry! You’ll rust so dreadfully. Here’s your oil can.”
Tin Woodsman: “Now I know I’ve got a heart, ’cause it’s breaking…”
*wipes away tear*
So Aibu Saki feels torn between pursuing her pastry dream all the way to Paris, and staying put in Japan so she and Night-o can play the “Let’s see how many electrical appliances we can plug in your various body orifices before you start to short-circuit!!!” game… every single night-o. But because true love means letting go, Night-o’s last altruistic act is to record a farewell message on his microchip, after which he detaches the chip as a memento for Aibu Saki — thereby effectively shutting his own self down. We last see him curled up in the crate that he first arrived in, with his maker (Geppetto? Dr. Elefun? haha) gently bidding him good night-o before switching off the light-o.
So Aibu Saki and Hiro hie off to Paris to make more cream puffs. (But what Aibu Saki doesn’t realize is that there’s a cream POOF right beside her.) *evil laughter* (There he is — look to your right, Aibu Saki!….No, no, Aibu Saki, your other right!!!) *more evil laughter*
And then we hear that there’s a Zettai Kareshi SP. Which you probably shouldn’t touch… unless you converse in binary code, too.
*whir, whir, click, zip-blip-blip-whirrrr*
Artistic & technical merit: C-
Entertainment value: C