Vid Clips: Akanishi Jin on UTB’s Music Talk (8.28.2010 & 8.31.2010)
Euphemistically Yours, JinJin
by Ender’s Girl
My oh my, but Jin’s ongoing Music Talk series just gets increasingly fun to watch — and I’m not even talking about his singing and dancing, lol.
For those who missed the infamous “Lovejuice” interview segment (*cough* jicks), I’m posting the Daum vid link below. (Helicidae very kindly supplied the direct DL link in the comments section of Jin’s “Christmas Morning” interview post. Much appreciated!)
Should this interview go down in J-Pop infamy (and I’m sure it will be remembered for generations of fangirls to come), there’ll be none to blame but Jinny’s ROFLtastic (and cringe-worthy) hemming and hawing for a good chunk of the segment. Instead of answering the questions point-blank, he equivocates on the controversial semantics of his self-penned song; instead of bad-assing his way through the third degree with his usual bluntness, he chooses to be coy. You’re in Eemrricaa now, Jinny Boy, so it’s about time you manned up and learned to call a spade a spade – or rather, call spit a spit– if ya know what I mean, hyuk hyuk hyuk.
Music Talk interview transcript (or part of it)
Music Talk: The title “Lovejuice” is very… there’s a misconception about it.
Jin: (high-pitched, breathy little giggle)
MT: Some people think it’s… (gestures with hand off-cam)
Jin: (gestures back) It’s… right.
MT: A lot of people think it’s something that it’s not supposed to be… I don’t know, is it supposed to be that, or…
Jin: (rather firmly) It’s not supposed to be. [LMAO. WHAT.]
MT: (starting to get peeved by Jin’s evasiveness) What IS Lovejuice?
Jin: (obliquely) Me and my friend went out one day…
[Yes yes we know Jin, and I was born in a small hut by the banks of the Orinoco. My father was a coalminer and my mother herded llamas every day for the drug lord on whose property we were squatting. Jez’ answer the damn question will yahhh]
Jin: A long time ago, that club has a cocktail called Lovejuice…
MT: Lovejuice is a cocktail?
Jin: It’s a cocktail… like your lip produce. (looks slyly at interviewer)
[I cannot bloody believe I am actually transcribing this sh*t.]
Jin: That’s… gross… if you say “saliva.”
[Sweet jezebel. This JE man-skank had the modesty to LOOK OFFENDED!!! Bwahahahaha So Lovejuice ISN’T saliva then? Hahahahah! Pray tell, O Great Prevaricator, what is this mystery fluid flowing unhampered from your Dream Girl’s oral cavity? Is it blood? Bile? Venom? Vomit? (Lol okay now it’s my turn to get grossed out.) Because compared to the other four, saliva seems the least repulsive alternative, ne? I mean it’s just water and enzymes and mineral salts for ferks sake.]
Jin: (pauses while his poor flat-footed mind regroups in the face of the incontrovertible – and extremely embarrassing – truth of his interviewer’s words) Yeah but it is.
[LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO. There there. It wasn’t so bad to come out and say it, was it now Jinny?]
MT: (helpfully) It’s a sexier way to say saliva?
Jin: (making a desperate grab for the lifeline so graciously thrown his way) Yeah, sexier way to say “saliva.”
[LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO help me I’m dying here!!!]
*dabs at eyes* Ohhh Jin. Remember that fairy tale where the pompous efftard of an Emperor realizes he’s really butt-naked after a shrill little boy calls him out during a parade? Well, strip away the glamour and you’ll find that your “sweet Lovejuice” is really just… some girl’s spit.
There’s no way I’m transcribing the rest of the interview, which is nothing but a voyeuristic ride into a randy young man’s fleshly fantasies (lol). Suffice it to say that everything hereon kind of degenerates into a lurid account of Akanishi sharing A MOMENT!!! with some anonymous green-eyed chick at a night club. You can just picture the very second that they make a COSMIC CONNECTION!!!, when two vacuous sets of eyes shoot each other lusty little sparks across a crowded, smoky room (hey isn’t that from a Madonna song? lol) — AND THE AIR SIZZLES BETWEEN THEM WHOA BABY LIKE WHOA. (lol)
So Jinny and, um, Chickpea heat up the dance floor with a mean round of pasa doble (or something equally smokin’, lulz) and later move to a room upstairs where they engage in mad… passionate… chess! (lol okay maybe not… chess) And note how Chickpea is supposedly NOT A HO!!! — but doesn’t mind boffing a stranger in a strange land, oh no sirreee!!! Lol. Then Jin starts singing “One in a Mirriyon” in that Auto-Tuney voice and — oh no wait, now I’m getting all confused. Ahhh what is it with these JE boys and their single-permutation fantasies? It’s the same formula every time: Random Caucasian chick!!! + U.S. club scene!!! + Sexual tension!!! = AnAn!!! (lolol) But how utterly pedestrian, ugh. Use a little imagination, people! (Whereas E.G.’s Ultimate Amorous Fantasy — with KimuTaku, who else? — is me squeaking, “If it p-pleases you sir, I’d like to k-keep my Hazmat suit on for the r-rest of the evening” *squeezes eyes shut and recites the genealogy of the Kings and Queens of England* lolz)
Segue to: “Bass Goes Boom”
It’s the bar’s last call / But you know we keep drinking
We’re taking shots / Till our brain stops thinking
We’re so titanic / But we’ll never be sinking…
C.L.A.P. C.L.A.P. C.L.A.P. C.L.A.P. C.L.A.P.
We make the bass go / Oh we make the bass go
Step in the club / All the heads start turning
We popping bottles / Till our vision starts blurring
We make the bass go / We make the bass go
I wanna see your body moving
I wanna make your legs keep grooving…
Uhhh. I know I know, the lyrics feel a little L.A.M.E. L.A.M.E. L.A.M.E. L.A.M.E., but I enjoyed the beat as much as I did Jin’s dancing. I don’t know if I’ve said this before but I’ve always liked Jin’s natural kinesthetic rhythm, even though he’s dressed like a hobo most of the time he goes on-stage. In this vid clip he starts popping at [0:58] and there’s a rugged fluidity to his movements that StripperGheiboyKame can never seem to emulate no matter how many times he twirls and shimmies — or mebbe it’s because he loves to twirl and shimmy, lol. But yeah, Jin knows how to M.O.V.E. I.T.
At the tail-end of the interview, Jin is asked, “Do you want this (“Bass Goes Boom”) to be spinning at clubs in the U.S.?”
And Jin’s face lights up with all the eager, trusting innocence of a 5-year-old kid who has just been asked if he’d like to become Superman someday. You see mirrored in Jin’s eyes all the hopes and dreams — no matter how unfounded or eyeroll-inducing — that he brought with him across the ocean in his tattered red polka-dotted bindle tied to a stick. “Yehhhssss!” — he breathlessly answers.
And my heart just breaks for the guy right there. Oh Jin. LOL
I won’t be blogging the rest of Jin’s Music Talk appearances, so if you guys wish to share the links (streaming or download) in the comments section of this post, or just want to rant/rave about his succeeding interviews and concerts, you’re more than welcome to do so. Euphemisms are optional of course, haha.
Photo credits: jame-world.com, japan_now @ LiveJournal.com