News Nibbly: SMAP Reach 10-M Milestone in Career Concert Attendance
Hey SMAP, You’re One in Ten Mirriyon!!!
by Ender’s Girl
It became official at their Sept. 15th concert: over the past nineteen years since their 1991 debut, the SMAP Boys II Men have entertained enough concertgoers to populate… Hungary!!! (10,013,628 inhabitants, according to the Jan. 2010 Eurocensus)
WOWOWOW! Hungary baby Hungary!!! Lol. The figures do boggle the mind, eh?
And who knows — by the time SMAP’s 2010 Japan tour wraps up on Sept. 19th at the Tokyo Dome, they may have moved up a notch to… Bolivia baby Bolivia!!! (pop. 10,031,000) hahaha
The Sept. 15th gig lasted four whole hours and included a special video montage of the band’s, um, storied — and at times, controversial — history, showing “rare footage” from their early days in the idoru business. And by “rare” I’m hoping this means “juicy and potentially damaging to a fledgling boyband but that’s all water under the bridge and besides SMAP’s way too big now to be damaged by long-forgotten evidence of their youthful tomfoolery” — like the time when Mori was still with the group and (if my memory serves me right) they got into a street fight with a bunch of dudes who heckled and called them “fruits” or something, and of course Goro didn’t join the fray right away because he was still inside their van, fixing his hair, LOL oh the irony… Er… y’know, that sort of dirt. (Dammit, I hope this video comes out in the concert DVD extras arghghgh please oh please Johnny K I’ll be good okay I promise!!! I’ll even lay off your precious pinky boys for the rest of the year okay? Deal? Deal??? Or… um, then again maybe not hahahaha)
As an extra “treat” to mark this career highlight, the Fab Five dished out a rare performance of their very first single, “Can’t Stop! Loving” (see above vid clip from 1991) — and I use “treat” very subjectively (hence the quotation marks) because if you listen to the first few bars, you’ll realize right away why the buying public avoided this early release like the plague. The first time I listened to this musically primitive track I actually felt sorry for those boys, lol. (Rather than the music I daresay it was SMAP’s TV work — variety shows and dramas — that eventually won the fans over… and the rest, well, is history. Besides, the fact that Japan has been able to stand 19 years of Nakai’s nails-across-a-chalkboard singing, only proves that SMAP’s pop ditties, though zesty and infectious, aren’t the sole determinant of the band’s mammoth success.)
But two decades and over eighty albums, singles and concert DVDs later, here they are, as Smappy as ever… and here we are, their captive audience to the bitter, cheesy end (lol). So, omedetou to my favorite Asian pop group. *flying kiss* *mwah* *mwah* *mwahhh* I Can’t Stop! Kissing!!! lololol. Dear Nakai, Kimura, Tsuyoshi, Goro and Shingo: When you fly to Shanghai for your first evah! international concert this October, try to set a higher audience target this time, ayt. Ten million? Twenty? Piffle. Dream BIG, ‘coz China is YOURS for the taking!!! All 1.3 birriyon of ‘em, hahahaha!!! Good ruck!
The Shanghai tour has been postponed indefinitely in light of the recent diplomatic row between China and Japan over a Chinese fishing boat captain. Concert organizers have cited security concerns as their main reason for putting the shows on hold. Tickets are to be refunded starting Sept. 25th.
And oh ehm ghee I LUUUUURRRRRVVVVE THIS PHOTO.
Oh Caption, My Caption!
SMAP (less Kimura): “Oh we’re not laughing AT you, Kimura-kun, we’re laughing NEAR you. Heh heh heh”
Kimura: “Mocking my man-boobs again, are you? Har har very funny you guys.” *roll eyes*
Photo credits: asiaholics.wordpress.com, morningberryz.vox.com
News source: Sanspo via TokyoHive
Video credit: OwWitch @ Youtube.com
And special thanks to Yamashita Tomohisa, whose 2010 single “One in a Mirriyon” will continue to spawn snickers, potshots, politically incorrect puns, and random spurts of laughter for years to come. Luff ya, babycakes.