The Little Dorama Girl – Wish List 2010
Naughty or Nice?
E.G.’s Christmas Wish List, 2010 Edition
by Ender’s Girl
Ho ho ho, everyone! *sprinkles Johnny dust all around*
Season’s greetings (and then some) from The Little Dorama Girl!
Oh… you better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m tellin’ you why:
Ender’s Girl is coming to town!
I’m making my list, and checking it twice
Don’t need to ask around who’s been naughty, who’s been nice
Ender’s Girl is coming to town!
I know who was misbehavin’
I know whose noses are fake
I know who’s acting is bad or good
(But still keep on for Johnny’s sake, tsk, tsk)
So… they better watch out
They better not cry
They better not pout (unless they’re Jin)
I’m tellin’ you why:
Ender’s Girl is coming to town!
Wishes arranged in no particular order…
For KimuTaku: A Very Worthy Project for 2011. Because oh lordy, he sure needs one – after the monstrosity that was Tsuki no Koibito (Moon Lovers), arguably both his worst drama AND worst drama performance evar. Coming right on the heels of the no-brainer procedural Mr. Brain (2009) and the self-indulgent mess of I Come with the Rain (2008/9), TsukiKoi laid a giant moon-shaped egg in both aesthetic and commercial terms and finally proved a most inconvenient truth: that “tried and tested formula,” “all-star cast,” “big budget” and even “Kimura Takuya vehicle” are no longer sure-fire determinants of production quality or ratings success. But despite industry watchers’ claims that his 15-year reign as Kimura Rex Doramae is on the wane, I’m giving him a few more years to… uh, find himself, and return to the fundamentals: story, script, acting, direction. And with that space opera pet project of his — Space Battleship Yamato — opening at No. 1 in its first week of release this month, one thing is certain: Captain KimuTaku’s career ain’t over yet.
For SMAP: A concerted return to clean-living – for healthy lungs and healthy skin! (‘Coz the dudes ain’t getting any younger.) And happiness in their personal lives, with love and peace inside (lol). And an extended Asian tour in 2011/12, please!!! *crosses fingers and toes*
For Kame: A dorama project that people will actually watch (i.e. rate higher than 2% lol) for being well-written and well-acted and for capitalizing on his strengths as a romantic lead. And landing on the cover of a *special* issue of AnAn. (Yes, Virginia, I mean that issue. Heh heh) And… a Jin Limited Edition Blowup Doll for those lonely winter nights ahead.
For Jin: An international solo debut album that will appeal to audiophiles outside his existing Western fan base – otherwise what’s the point of “going worldwide,” eh Jinny? And Kame in bubble wrap (just bubble wrap) packed inside a giant red box adorned with glitter and bells and a gold ribbon. For auld lang syne.
For YamaPi: That the Blue Fairy would visit him one night and grant him his one true wish — to make him a REAL, LIVE, BOY!!!
For Miura Haruma: A drama that requires him to ACT HIS AGE, and NOT play twenty-something high school instructors who cheat on their fiancée with a ferkin’ student. And (this Christmas gift also doubles as an early 21st birthday present), a special sugar-frosted vanilla snowflake cake bearing the following dedication in red cherry piping: “Guess who’s legal now??? XoXo jicks & E.G.” (YATTAAAA!!!)
For Kimu+Matsu: Another project together. Please, God, give them more time. (lol) Just please let them work again. Doesn’t have to be a sequel to one of their old dramas – don’t mess with the classics, y’know? – although a perverse little part of me is DYING to see what their characters in Love Generation would be like as a middle-aged married couple (possibly with kids!). Teppei+Riko 4vr.
For Jang Hyuk: A romcom or dramedy project — think the first part of Windstruck, or Please Teach Me English, or Success Story of a Bright Girl. Something light and funny for a change – give or take a few twists to keep things interesting. Why-so-ssseriousss Emo Hyuk needs to take a vacay for the next two years. Seriously. I want him to laugh and smile again – and I don’t mean “laugh maniacally while hacking Joseon guardsmen to bits” or “smile with supreme irony and pain.” I mean, laugh and smile and get pissed and act silly whilst falling in love — and all that stuff. Ain’t too much to ask for, eh Hyukie? (Keep those killer abs, though. Wouldn’t hurt to stay… uh, healthy.)
For Kang Ji-hwan: A straight-up action thriller flick. Wear killah suits and shoot baddies? How cool would that be.
For Lee Byung-hun: A Hollywood feature film that he can actually be proud of (read: does not involve characters from cartoons only 6-year-olds watch). Western audiences don’t know what they’re missing; there’s MOAR!!! to the man than just his hot, ripped body and kickass stunt work, ya know – valuable as they may be, lol. So… calling all casting agents! The man already speaks English, fergawdssake. Make him the Next Big Asian Thing for the new decade. Don’t put all your eggs in Jang Dong-gun’s basket, we all know how The Warrior’s Way (aka The Warrior’s — What? lol) fared in U.S. theaters. The wide, wonderful world outside G.I. Joe (and its 3,043 crap sequels) awaits, Hunnie! Break free and fly, my Hunnie! Fly!!! Fly!!!
For Oh Ji-ho: A straight romantic drama – but nothing too melo; no cancer/incest/struggling-single-papa plots, please. For as his work in Chuno has proven, Serious Actor Oh Ji-hoooo has finally arrrrriiiived! (Yee-haw!!!) *munches on confetti* You don’t have to be exploited for your Greek-god looks and fabuloso physique no mo’, Zio. (Um… never complained while you were, though. Hihihi)
For Won Bin: A romcom, pwitty please!!! He can rest his Serious Actor laurels for the time being since his last two films, Mother and Ajusshi (The Man from Nowhere), were a hit with the critics, film fest jurors and the general movie-going public. And for an actor making his big industry comeback, nothing could possibly taste sweeter. Plus, all of Korea already worships the man for his voluntary posting in the DMZ during his MS stint a few years back. (So you ain’t got nuthin’ left to prove to nobody, Won Bin darling.) It’s OUR turn now. Let 2011 be the Year of the Wonbin Fangirl!!! Rargh!!!
Oh looky – there’s MOAR!!! I had a few other presents left in my
garbage bag Santa sack, so Imma hand them out now…
For Oguri Shun: A mix tape (lol like those things still exist these days) featuring the songs “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy, “Confessions Part 1” by Usher, “What Makes a Man Do That” by Daryl Worley, and the carrier track “Careless Whisper” by Wham! Album jacket inscribed with a special dedication from ex-GF Yamada Yu.
For Johnny Kitagawa: That he will get EVERYTHING HE DESERVES – if not in this life then in the next.
(Uploader: jarredlanky @ YouTube)
For Kim Jong-il: Pirated DVDs of Shiri, Joint Security Area, Taegukgi (okay, maybe not Taegukgi), Welcome to Dongmakgol, and – above all – Silmido. Plus the DVD of Team America: World Police as a bonus. Make love not war, yo. *vee sign*
For Bae Yong-jun: The opportunity to serve his government as a Goodwill Ambassador to North Korea — given the recent tensions across the 38th Parallel. Gunboat diplomacy and international mediation don’t seem to be working, so I think it’s ‘bout time Prez Lee Myung-bak unleashed his secret mega weapon of mass delusion er, mass persuasion, that can blow Kim Jong-il’s entire propaganda machine out of Pyongyang. Fear not, for Blessed Yonsama the Peacemaker shall unite the two Koreas – one blinding, beatific smile at a time. With the Great King and God-Emperor Yonsama blazing the path to peace, success of the mission is a foregone conclusion – just ask the Winter Sonata fans.
So, I’ve made my list, also checked it twice
Some wishes may be naughty
But OHBOY would they be nice!
(And should they all come true…?)
Ender’s Girl will streak through your town!
But I’ll do it when you’re sleeping
Fat chance if you’re awake
So unless you’re in a perverse mood
Please be good for Johnny’s sake
So… you better watch out
And, uh… try not to cry…
‘Coz you’ll want to gouge your eyes out
When I come flashing by
(‘Coz if my Wish List comes true…)
Imma streak through… YOUR… TOWN!!!
(So what’s on your wish list?)
Photo credits: akirashock04 @ LiveJournal, asianfilmawards.asia, hotguys.tumblr.com, khimmynosekai.wordpress.com, kmdz.tripod.com/eng_bitspieces.html, mykoreanstars.com, sodesk.com, supertaipomi.blogspot.com, theonefourfour.com, yellowcinema.com