News Nibbly: Idols Jin and Meisa Tie the Knot Before You Can Say “Dekichatta Kekkon”

Jin Takes Meisa for a Test Drive, and Guess Who Calls ‘Shotgun!’

by Ender’s Girl

Last February 2nd, at the Akanishi-Kuroki Nuptials…

(Just kidding!)

So news is out that Akanishi Jin, who by the look of things spent the better part of his adult life taking his, uh, WildOatsMobile for more Test Drives than he can probably remember, is now a Married Man – and maybe a Dad-to-Be as well, with brand-new wifey Kuroki Meisa rumored to be a couple of months impregnito (lol). Shocker, I know. (While Meisa’s condition isn’t official (yet), her abrupt cancelation of all media and event appearances a few days before the Feb. 15 launch of her new album has kept the grapevine buzzing and those raised eyebrows, well, raised.)

Going by the number of blog posts I’ve devoted to His YellowGoldness, I suppose congratulations are in order for the (happy? happyish? hapless?) couple… never mind that the announcement came right out of left field (specifically, from “WTF?”  territory); never mind that the image of Jin settling down with anyone is as incongruous as that of Dame Kiri Te Kanawa front-acting a KAT-TUN concert, hahaha (shudderz!). And never mind that marriage+parenthood is usually career anathema for J-poppers like Jin and Meisa, whose Young!Hot!&Desirable personas are what put food on the table are their main selling points – Meisa perfecting the smoky sexpot-chanteuse act and Jinny Boy livin’ it up as the club-hoppin’, hoodie-wearin’, hoochie-bangin’ hedonist named… Aquaneesha.

Although statistically speaking, Meisa stands to lose more career-wise than Jin. Many female pop artists are viewed as “short-term brands” compared to male artists since their commercial viability is largely a function of looks, age, and accessibility (or desirability) to their fans. It’s hard to brand yourself as fun, flirty and fancy-free when you’re already someone else’s wife and popping babies left and right (just ask Kudo Shizuka, lol) – especially in a youth-obsessed industry like Japan’s. (Queen of J-Pop Amuro Namie would be one of the few exceptions.) But I daresay Meisa will find a way to bounce back via her film and TV work; a case in point is Takeuchi Yuko, who’s still very much in the biz after surviving her own dekichatta kekkon and subsequent divorce from (and ugly custody battle with) that kabuki dude. (Not that… this is the path I envision for Meisa, lol. As, er, tempting as it would be to hear Jin perform OutKast’s Ms. Jackson and really feeeel the lyrics, heh.)

On a side note, my first thought after hearing the news was, “Poor Kame must be KRUSHED!” Hahaha. And sorry to all the Akame slashfic writers out there, but Meisa just redefined the M in the word “Mpreg.” Hahaha. Speaking of which, this brings to mind a certain Akame Mpreg fic that I found floating around one of the LiveJournal JE comms. The title? “First Comes Marriage, then Comes Love” (or sumthin’ like that). BWAHAHAHA. I stopped short of reading the fic itself (sh*t wuz too freaky, lol), but the synopsis read like a classic one-night-stand-leads-to-unplanned-pregnancy-and-quickie-wedding tale. Ohoho the irony.

In their statements, released more than a week after the wedding, Jin and Meisa implored their fans to continue to support their careers, adding they were determined to “deliver (his) best” (Jin’s words) and “work even harder than before” (Meisa’s). Well, I don’t doubt Meisa – the girl is used to juggling acting, singing/dancing and modeling duties anyway. But I’m less sure about Jinny, who signed with Warner Music in late 2010 but whose crossover US career has really yet to hit full stride, despite launching a social media blitz that included opening a Twitter account (which also enabled him to flirt in weird Engrish with other pop artists), and a Youtube channel documenting his L.A. exploits – including, but not limited to, buying a new set of wheels and attempting awkward bro handshakes with his Ultimate Idol Justin Bieber. (Ohboyohboy!)

The documentary series happens to bear the overly ambitious (and rather unfortunate) title of “The Takeover.”  (But then this is Jin, so “The Hangover” woulda been more apropos. LOL) But what exactly Jin is bent on taking over, isn’t made clear. Taking over some dinky little recording studio (and one of the 1,455 littered all over L.A.), so he can churn out yet another generic-sounding pop album? Taking over an itty bitty corner of the Internet so he can digitally release two singles? Taking over neon-lit parking basements so he can feel up half-dressed chicks on the hoods of shiny cars while crooning lewd innuendoes, like he does in the “Test Drive” music video? (Maybe that’s it!!! Ohboyohboy!)

Memo to Bakanishi: dude you ain’t the first dance/R&B singer to feel up half-dressed chicks atop shiny cars in neon-lit parking basements while lip-syncing for a music video, just so y’know. What makes it even funnier (or sadder) is that the director of the “Test Drive” MV (hoochie count: 13) called this production “epic.” Hahahaha. Toss in Jin’s latest release, the “Sun Burns Down” MV (hoochie count: 1) for a grand total of two “epic” – as in epically derivative and cliché-ridded – music videos. And since Jin’s US success has largely been on the digital front, does this mean he gets paid in digital money, too? Like… the 50 gold coins I earn every Monday as a Game of Nerds player? No? It isn’t the same? Is he sure? Hahahaha. Because Jin’s gonna need a whole lotta moolah now that he’s a Family Man, yo. Not to mention that this calls for a drastic change in his lifestyle and spending habits. Fellow blogger zooey put it best when we shared snark over the news: “Bye bye sports car, hello minivan.” (LAWL!)

In related buzz, Jin’s senpai Takizawa Hideaki is said to be veddy, veddy pissed that Jin broke the Jimusho’s No. 1 cardinal rule: that talents MUST remain celibate and unattached for the next 65 years (or until Johnny-san releases them into the Void because their idol careers have bitten the dust). (KimuTaku was the first to break said rule, and he got away with it simply because He.Is.KimuTaku. You need real balls to go out and just do it, Tackey dear. Or at least a preggers girlfriend for that matter, hyukhyuk.) Meanwhile, Johnny K. is reportedly hopping mad and “considering punishing” his 27-year-old talent. (Hahahaha srsly Johnny-san srsly??? The old man really has gone batcrap crazy. Next thing you know he’ll be crashing Hey!Say!JUMP concert stages dressed as a sushi roll.) Furthermore, Johnny-san has ordered YamaPi and Nishikido Ryo to avoid their close pal (and fellow Roppongi party boy) Jin like a vicious STD, lest his contumacy and scandalous ways rub off them!!! *double rolleyes*

Reader Helicidae has a (gut-bustingly funny) theory of her own:

Word is out that Johnny-san’s mad as a horny… a hornet… since Jinny Dearest conveniently forgot to inform his lord and master about the impending nuptials. (Which makes on wonder: Could it be possible that said lord and master is entitled to some kind of jus primae noctis in case one of his underlings plans on tying the knot? Would definitely explain why so many of them are still single.)

(Bwahahahahaha. Makes perfect sense, ne?)

Well, what’s done is done. The bun’s in the oven, the ring’s on the finger, the wedding cake’s been eaten (by Jin of course). I doubt that anybody really wanted this to happen (Jin and Meisa least of all, lol), but who knows – maybe they’ll actually be happy together, with their little Baka-babies tearing around the house. Or maybe they’ll be headed for splitsville after only two years. Maybe one of them will hit a breakthrough in their career, while the other will see their star quietly fade in the months to come. Or maybe this whole marriage+baby scandal will blow over in no time and create less of an impact on both their careers than we predicted. Maybe anything – who really knows for sure? At least they’re keeping little Formalin-kun the baby. Responsibility is a big word, but Jin is manning up and showing Johnny Kame everyone that he knows what it means.

In closing, here’s a clip of Massive Attack performing “Protection” – which we all know is something Jin and Meisa are now wishing they had used a little more of, lol. So enjoy the song! It’s one of my faves. And Happy Month of Hearts (or what’s left of it)!


Youtube uploaders:  affamatievisionari, 1497mo

(And thanks to blog readers Te Wan Kim and leilana for being my first news source. XD)

Explore posts in the same categories: J-Ent: Welcome to the Freakshow, Miscellaneous

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89 Comments on “News Nibbly: Idols Jin and Meisa Tie the Knot Before You Can Say “Dekichatta Kekkon””

  1. When I first got into JPOP through SMAP in 2010 and I learned the history of the group, including Kimura’s marriage and the fans reactions to it, that I would never get a chance to experience one of these “shotgun” wedding/pregnancy things. Welp…times done changed. From what I heard about Jin, I thought it would have been with some random American woman (don’t shoot me). But in the meantime…from their stance on this…staying together despite comeeee whhhaattt maayyyy…is pretty cool. Just hope Jin’s dialing up Kimura for advice on how to stay a hearthrob while being a daddy XD.

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Oh you also stumbled into Jpop by way of SMAP (actually Kimura)? Kewl! 😀

      I’m sure Jinny had his fill of gaijin flings (if his music vids and AnAn spread are any indication), but it seems his type is much closer to home after all. ^^; (LOLLLL @ Meisanishi singing “Come What May”!!! Would that make Kame the evil Duke then? This totally messes up all my wonderful Moulin Rouge memories, though, ahaha :D)

      “Just hope Jin’s dialing up Kimura for advice on how to stay a hearthrob while being a daddy XD” – Yeppp, Kimmy would be the (Yellow)Gold standard for shiz! 😉 Though I wouldn’t be surprised if Meisa called Kudo Shizuka for a few tips of her own. You can just imagine Kudo going, in her British-accented English: “Just take all the foreign language, yoga and painting classes you can, dahling. You’ll be bored out of your skull anyway, so best to keep busy. And if you’re good to your husband, he might just take you out for yakiniku when one of your paintings wins a national art prize. Because that’s as good as it gets, dahling!” xD (Uh-oh.)

      • Actually it’s me CryingW01f from the OMG It’s Katsuyuki Mori and he’s doing stuff posts! I like him the most. Hehe, I admit the first time I saw anything of SMAP it was through Kimura and that Gatsby hair commercial were that David dude was doing the flexing around and stuff XD.
        Kame is the Duke yes XD. I hope Kudo and Kimura have them over for a heart2heart(heh inside joke) over what to do when ____ happens XD. Meisa better get ready cause when she wins her first acting award, Jin will surprise her with a trip to McDonalds XD.

        • Ender's Girl Says:

          Oh hey CryingW01f! I’ve seen you around LiveJournal 🙂 Oops, gomen, I automatically assumed Kimura was your fave Smappie heh heh. (Hey btw, how is Mori these days? I last saw a clip of him in a racing event back in 2010 I think. I hope he’s still at it, yes? =D)

          “Meisa better get ready cause when she wins her first acting award, Jin will surprise her with a trip to McDonalds XD.” – LOLOLOLHahahahahahahaha. Man this made me laugh so hard!!!!! 😀

  2. leilana Says:

    Bwahahahaahahahaha, you made my night! I was hoping you’re going to write a few things about Jin’s marriage, but this post really exceeded my expectations. I declare myself your fan for life! *huge grin*

  3. leilana Says:

    And LOL at your comments about His Creepiness Johnny-san. The dude is fucked in the head, seriously. Punishing a 27 year old dude because he got married without telling you? Jeez, I’m starting to think Helicidae’s theory is true. XD

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Thank you thank you for the above comments, you’re much too kind! 😉

      “Punishing a 27 year old dude because he got married without telling you?” — IKR??? That old bugger has a pretty sick sense of entitlement, ugh. I dare not even imagine what Lord Creepo would do to his favorite golden boy YamaPi if PiPi ever pulled a stunt like that… Que horror! :O (Although I’m sure that Johnny has since wised up and now makes the rest of his wards — Pi most of all — walk around wearing some kind of chastity codpiece in case they get any funny ideas, lolz)

      • leilana Says:

        Haha, when you mentioned the possibility of Pi getting married, I heard Akira’s voice in my head: “SHOCK!” LOL. Can you picture Pi with that completely expressionless face of his announcing his wedding to the Lord and Master, Palpatine Johnny-san? Now THAT would probably be the end of the world as we know it. XD

  4. zooey Says:

    Ooh harsh…. but still very entertaining. Note to self: must google awkward bro handshake with Justin Bieber….

    Methinks you’re right about that one drunken night without protection. The whole affair of getting married looks like damage control perpetrated by Meisa’s agency. The statements they released sounded more like a memo than an admission of a relationship, there’s not even a hint about secretly dating. Still placing my bet—3 years tops.

    • gaijin mark Says:

      I was thinking for like 3 months. Meisa, Takeuchi, and Akiko Yada will have their own drama called, “What the hell was I thinking???”

      But you never know. Today there was news that Ryoko Shinohara just gave birth to her second son and she’s married to Masachika Ichimura who’s only 63. I’m amazed his “boys” can swim!

      • Ender's Girl Says:

        Ooooh I love that concept! 😀 Would also be a good idea for a daytime reality TV series — like a cross between Starting Over and The Real Ex-Housewives of J-Ent, lol. Then after 3 seasons they can each have their spinoff shows, e.g. Keeping Up with Kuroki. The ex-hubbies should get theirs too — I see Akanishi Jin: My Life on the D-List as a great backup plan in case his US recording career flops. xD

        (Oh and congrats to Shinohara Ryoko, that’s pretty fab news! 😉 And as for her hubby’s “boys” (lol), I’m sure they didn’t need that much motivation to swim hard, given how drop-dead gorgeous Shinohara is!)

        • gaijin mark Says:

          “Keeping up Kuroki” – I like that!! I think I can safely say that there’s no way Meisa’s mom can be anything like Kris Kardashian.
          But the flaming heterosexual in me wants to know if Meisa’s got any sisters!!

      • zooey Says:

        Well, it’s true, only time can tell. But I think even if the union doesn’t work out within the period you stated, they’re going to keep up the pretense and avoid getting a divorce as long as they can. Took a couple of years before Takeuchi Yuko filed for a divorce from her philandering husband and it took a dead, drugged up hostess for Yada Akiko to finally make a decision to cut legal ties with her slimy husband.

        As for Masachika Ichimura, I suppose the guy has a healthy lifestyle. If Japanese men can live to a 100, I don’t see any reason why his “boys” can’t swim… that, or we have modern science to thank for their two kids. Also, unlike Meisa and Takeuchi, it doesn’t appear that his marriage to Shinohara Ryoko was a shotgun wedding, so all I can say is more power to the happy couple, may they keep producing more babies, we all know that Japan needs kids. 🙂

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      LMAOOOO @ “memo” — SOOOO TRUE!!! 😀 I love it when J-idols release wedding announcements, they always sound so utterly devoid of joy — as if all that marriage had in store for them were toil and drudgery. And Meisanishi’s “memos” (bwahaha) were classic examples!

      Oh, and you can watch the Bieber Visitation in The Takeover Episode 3, around 2:30 into the vid. The kid was rather in a hurry to get the whole promo chore out of the way (despite Jinny’s attempts at small talk. tsk). I forgot to mention that Sean Kingston also dropped by, and that he seemed much nicer than Li’l Biebz 😛

      • zooey Says:

        Thanks for the the youtube video. Gawd, Bieber just looked like he wanted to get out of there asap. The kid looked bored.

        What the hell is “The Takeover”, anyway? Isn’t he a bit full of himself? Lol x) From where I’m sitting it looks more like an attempt at pursuing Edison Chen’s abandoned dream to be the quintessential yellow-hip-hop-r&B-rapper-gangster wannabe (must say that he’s doing quite well with the sowing wild oats bit prior to his marriage to Meisa…but a music career in the U.S.? Seriously!). Edison even had a show on MTV then and all he had to show for his “work” was a bit part in a Batman movie and a scandal that forced him to run off to another country. You might say that it’s an unfair comparison but if his single Test Drive is any indication, I don’t think that Jin has anything new to offer. If Bi didn’t make much of an impression in the US market with Usher as his backer, what makes Jin believe that he would fare any better? Looks dire.

        • leilana Says:

          Sooooooooooooooo true! Exactly my thoughts.

        • Ender's Girl Says:

          “What the hell is “The Takeover”, anyway? Isn’t he a bit full of himself? Lol x)” – Hahaha IKR?? Say it like it is, sistah! ;D

          LOL I didn’t know Edison once nursed his own (wannabe) crossover hip-hop superstar dreams! I thought he was just an actor, didn’t know he did music too and was on M-frickin-TV!!! (But then nobody watches MTV anymore so who cares.) Hahahahahaha but I do remember that teeny bit role in the Batman movie!!! 😀

          (For obvious reasons, Edison reminds me of Hayden Kho and Careless Whispers, lol)

  5. Jenny Says:

    When I read the news, I admit I was as surprised as everyone else because honestly Jin seemed not to be the type that I assumed Meisa would be attracted to.
    But her granny commented something about Meisa so a baby will make it’s appearance is a estimated 6-7 months.
    And according to some rumors they have been dating but under the radar for sometime(and known each other for a few years)
    But Japan, there are several choices or contraception to choose from!!!!
    Unfortunately Meisa will be the one to suffer the consequences, it seems many of the brands she represents are just waiting to drop her.
    And now the bosses at Sweet Power are most likely in panic mode making sure that no one else of the girls are dating, it also means that Maki will be the #1 moneymaker for them so she will not get any rest(poor thing). And not to mention if Maki would like to date….

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Oh Maki, the poor thing. It’s not that I’d want to see her get knocked up anytime soon, but for Pete’s sake they oughtta just let her date whoever she wants to date, dagnabbit!!! x__X

      “Jin seemed not to be the type that I assumed Meisa would be attracted to.” – Yeahhh, I always thought that for Meisa, dating Johnnies was a notch beneath her because she preferred, er, real men. Lol. At least that’s kind of the vibe I got from her. I remember from the 1-Pound Gospel BTS clips, she was rather cool towards Kame despite his showboating on the set, heh heh 😛

      “But Japan, there are several choices or contraception to choose from!!!!” – LOLLLL I know right??? 😀

      “Unfortunately Meisa will be the one to suffer the consequences, it seems many of the brands she represents are just waiting to drop her.” – Tsk. Bloody double standards in the industry, we hatesss them ssso!!!!

      • Jenny Says:

        And did you hear the latest in the Jin+Meisa saga, it seems Jin baby is being bullied (apparently they put condoms in his bag etc rofl) Meybe now he’ll remember to use them!
        Japan and their contraception or to be exact the lack of, I’ve lost count how many dekikons there were 2011 and now we are off to a good start in 2012!

        That’s what I’m speculating, after all Meisa was the SP presidents favorite girl. Maki and Kiritani Mirei are after Meisa the ones who got most attention so I’m guessing they are the ones who will be feeling the pressure.
        Maki should be allowed to date whomever she pleases, get married and have a gazillion babies if she wants to. Japan desperately needs babies. (That’s my brilliant idea, have celebrities reproduce maybe they’ll create a baby making craze, I’m such a genius)
        Oh Japan and your crazy dating rules!
        And the double standards!!! Makes me so angry to read certain commenters writing that Meisa is promiscuous and poor Jin was trapped, argh. Firstly, it takes two to tango and Jin is a grown man and I doubt that he is that stupid or……..

        • Ender's Girl Says:

          Meisa “promiscuous”? If Meisa’s promiscuous, then what do you call that man-slut JinJin? Definitely not “trapped,” lol. Ahhh these double standards, tsk tsk @___@

          Awww, now poor little JinJin’s being bullied by his fellow idoru? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. FUNNIEST THING I’VE HEARD ALL YEAR. Condoms anonymously stuffed into his bag? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What kind of covert-aggression sh*t is this? What are they, twelve? Next we’ll hear about Nino flicking boogers into Jin’s wasabi in the JE mess hall, or YamaPi and Ryo giving him atomic wedgies in some backstage wing. Hahahaha. These catty little JE bitches are worse than backwater beauty pageant contestants. Ahloveeeht!!! Keem ’em coming, JE! 😉

          “I’ve lost count how many dekikons there were 2011 and now we are off to a good start in 2012!” – ROFLLL!!! Ahahahaha right you are! 😀

          • Jenny Says:

            Poor Jin, bullying is so mean rofl. But hey free condoms!
            Maybe Kame was one of the many placing the condoms in Jin’s bag!!! ;D And Pi and all the others in their “rat pack”.
            Of course I don’t wish for a divorce but Jin doesn’t exactly seem like the family type (or faithful)
            But a lot of the actresses who married and divorced are finding they way back into showbusiness, even Yada Akiko so there is definitely a chance for Meisa if things start going sour.
            And Oguri Shun and Yamada Yu are getting married! Can’t believe it, Shun always seemed like the type that when things get serious dumps the girl. (this is based on his dating history)

  6. Aireinu Says:

    LOL. Thanks as always. “Formalin-kun” had me giggling for 5 min. I guess that was also a “JIN” so it belongs.
    Good luck to them. They are both adults, so it looks like it’s time to grow up.

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Haha thanks! 😀 The Formalin-kun was the last graphic that I made, more of an afterthought really. I figured JIN was a popular enough drama that this pun wouldn’t be lost on most of my readers (who are into Jdoramas anyway). I also thought it’d be hilarious if Bakanishi were a time-traveling pop star who gets zapped back to the Tokugawa Era and inadvertently messes up history, in typical Bakanishi fashion. Naturally, Formalin-kun would play a big part in Jin’s (mis)adventure. 🙂

    • noiha Says:

      lol i knew the “jin” title is a ripped off from “JIN” drama and i knew i’ve seen that creepy baby somewhere but i forgot until i saw your comment. lol. xD

  7. jicks Says:

    Pun-o-rama galore on His YellowGoldness’ dorama filled Yellow Gold world!!!!!! Loove the graphics :DD This post is GOLDento the power of 3010 bahahaha.

    Never imagined Kuroki Meisa to be the type of girl who would fall for a Yellow Gold Boy but… I guess TRUE RRUB does exist! (lol who am I to judge >O>;) Or maybe the Americana in Jin must have its ways? Either way, Kame is single now, E.G.! (Go for it? ;D)

    In all seriousness… no, wait, seriously. I can’t do this. Okay I can. Look, for their sake, I hope it works out but like zooey and many others have said, the statements they released to the media didn’t exactly sound as if they were overly in love. Who knows though, there have been couples who we’d thought would’ve been together forever but then an Angelina Jolie comes along and well…

    More importantly, like you said, Meisa’s career is more likely to take the bigger hit but I hope it doesn’t go that way.Jin and Meisa are talented in their own right and it would be a shame for either of them to have their careers affected by this. I especially hope to see Jin continue wearing hoodies and fedoras and beanies and more hoodies whilst storming through all de American clubs, ‘yo!

    P.S. That Formulin piccie is creepy as. I think that would be more an Akame love product rather than a Jin+Meisa baby.

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Thank you!!! (You know you’re my idoru when it comes to making graphics, so ssankyouu for the compliment!) 😀 Ahh, “Jin” and “Kame” — who knew that these two short names would be a bottomless pit of punny fun and funny puns!

      “Either way, Kame is single now, E.G.! (Go for it? ;D)” – LOLOlloLLLL I neber neber thought of it THAT way, but I guess you’re right, even skanks like Kame deserve happiness on the rebound, hahaha. Though I can’t compete with Jin, who will always be the ichiban in Kamenashi’s kokoro… Imma take my chances anyway!!! Ahhm comin’, mah little DreamBoy!!! *downs a bottle of breath mints* *spit-shines eyebrows* LOL 😀

      And LMFAO @ hoodie/fedora/beanie-wearing Jin storming the LA clubs! He’ll be teachin’ all those white folk HOW TO DOUGIE for shizz!!! A sample:

      “My name is Jin!
      For da dudes who don’t know me
      I know I’m from Asia but I can teach you how to dougie!”

      “Teach me Aquaneeshie (Teach me, teach me Aquaneeshie)
      Teach me how to dougie (Teach me, teach me how to dougie)”

      Hahahaha 😛

      “P.S. That Formulin piccie is creepy as. I think that would be more an Akame love product rather than a Jin+Meisa baby.” — *cries* I DIED LAUGHING RIGHT THERE. This is THE BEST!!!! And I couldn’t agree more!!! Genetically speaking, Formalin-kun can’t be anyone else’s child but Akame’s! What the management agencies aren’t telling us is that Meisa is just acting as a surrogate because obviously Kamenashi ain't got the plumbing for tha job, lolz xD

      • doozy Says:

        OH MAN.. I laughed hard out loud reading your post and comments and er… rapping, E.G! My roommate is giving me weird looks.
        Good ol’ Formulin-kun.. Still as creepy as heck but provides such good material for comedy gold.

        • Ender's Girl Says:

          doooozyyyy!!!! 😀 Thanks for the lovely comment, and for not judging me when I act like a screwtard sometimes, lol.

          Hahaha when in doubt… use the plastic fetus for insta-comic relief! (And say hi to your roommate fer me will ya? ;-))

        • jicks Says:

          I second this, the rap is freaking brilliant-o! Mainly because I am picturing Kame on the hoochie team with his hot pink feather boa, and Baby Formulin is shaking his thang alongside him…

          Dang, I need to get outta here before I am eternally scarred, LOL.

          • Ender's Girl Says:

            LOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLL @ Kame + Li’l Formy (in full rapper bling) doing their backup act!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kamenashi has enuff skank in him to be a one-hoochie team anyway, so the other tarts can hoof it! Then the 3 of them can finally be a family, lolz. #Akame4vr

  8. Alya Says:

    Jin really need to get his shit together, tbh I can’t wait to know what Johnny will do to him as a punishment, he’s been a mess ever since he left his band.

    On a totally different note, are you gonna review Yokai Ningen Bem? I have read and love your past drama reviews, hoping you could this one xD

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Hey there! 🙂 Yep I’m halfway through YNB. It’s pretty much a given that whatever Kame does, good or bad, sucky or not, I’ll be writing about it, so you can expect a review very soon 😀

      • leilana Says:

        Just saw a few pictures of Kame from that dorama. I almost died (my POOR ovaries!!!) It’s settled now – I’ll watch this. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, I’ll watch it nevertheless. If it’s good, hooray. If it’s bad… well, that happened to me before when I watched Gokusen 3 for Miura Haruma only oh Harumacchi you Almighty King of Cutie Pies I’ll love you forever and ever amen please let me take care of you *kinky smirk* so it won’t be a problem AT ALL. Hehe.

      • aireinu Says:

        Mmmm… Yammy. Can’t wait.

  9. jana Says:

    Dear E.G., you have NO IDEA how I waited for your post about Jin’s wedding since I heard the news (quite desperately, I must admit LOL) and you didn’t disappoint me at all. It had the same healing effect on me as your two years old post about KAT-TUN break-up. It made my week, really 🙂 Especially the Mpreg part and the vid, haha 🙂 Now when my feelings calmed down a bit I can see the wedding as a rare opportunity for watching the way Johnny runs his (dirty) business.

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      jana!!! 😀 LOL thanks a bunch, glad you enjoyed the post! (Healing effect? I hear ya sister! We fangirls oughtta stick together whenever the chips are down, yo ;-)) Although to be honest I had 9347347x more fun doing the Jin/KAT-TUN breakup graphics because of all that delicioussss Akame angst, hahaha. But for this particular post I got to use Akame’s “wedding” photo, so it’s all good. Nothing like makin’ a few graphics to channel one’s fangirly frustrations, heh heh xD

    • rossi321 Says:

      Kudo on this. I was waiting for her to post too! hur.

      Snarky girl that I am when I read about how Takeuchi Yuko bounced back, my immediate thought was “But that one has acting talent.!” ho ho ho! Seriously though. Meisa is quite gorgeous but I can’t ever connect with her, there’s just this blandness/aloofness to her that I just can’t gel with, and I speak as a fan of 1 Pound Gospel (but then again, I do like that Kame boy a lot.) Also I just watched Yuko’s newest drama and shipped the hell out of her with her costar so her being single totally work for me. XD

      I think it’s right that JE punish Jin for whatever he did, not because he dared to have sexy times with a girl and shove that into every delusional fangirls’ faces, but because both he and Meisa didn’t informed their respective agencies till after the fact. Up till days before their informing the press, their agencies were still saying how they’re just friends. I mean they just make the hands that feed them look quite idiotic. But let’s face it, Johnny has a soft spot for Jin so I don’t see any real punishment coming…Favoritism, the game to play in JE.

  10. Ellély Says:

    Well, I was kinda expecting this of Bakanishi (and I wouldn’t be surprised if the other Johnnies actually had a betting pool going to see when this would happen XD) but Meisa threw me for a loop, which was why I dismissed the initial rumours. Like you mentioned, I always thought she’d go for someone, er, manlier but maybe that’s because I’m looking at her as the character she played in Ninkyo Helper (I finished watching this drama just recently and well, let’s just say I’m very fond of Riko.)

    *sigh* Oh Meisa…best of luck to you and your baby, girl.

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      I’m fond of Riko too!!! So very fond!!! Definitely my favorite Meisa role. 🙂

      Like you, I really do hope she’ll make a great mom… with or without, you know. @__@

  11. Ariel Says:

    Sorry I was late for the wedding or is this a wedding/baby shower fan fest he he he… I was in a cry fest over at Dramabeans due to the changing of the guards for 1N2D. It’s a good thing I stopped over can’t stop laughing at your snarky comments, love the Burn, Kame picture. I watched the Test Drive video on Channel V waste of resources if you ask me. He should get one of those Korean music video directors, now they know how to keep your mv playing, fancy footwork, unrequited love and lots of guyliner. Hey I know it works cause everytime I watch, K-pop is playing.

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Hahaha thanks! Glad you liked the Burn, Kame pic, hehe 😛 And don’t worry, nobody’s late for anything on my blog. Time stops in this site, haha. This is me, who watches and reviews dramas yeaaars after their original airdate, ne? =D

      So you’re into K-pop huh? Kewl. 😉 (I’m afraid the last K-pop act I liked was Shinhwa, and they’re hardly current anymore. They’re like the SMAP of Korea lol.) Anyway, it’s funny how there’s a show on MTV called “J/K Hits” but 95% of the airtime is devoted to Korean acts, lol.

      • Ariel Says:

        Hmmmm not really into Idol-Kpop I just like watching their dance moves, cheesy mv and my 2 year old niece likes to dance with them which I find very entertaining. I like Indie Kpop, if you have the time listen to Nell this guys are good. I would also recommend Loveholics, Acoustic Collabo, Bye Bye Sea, Hot Potato and Epic High. All Shinhwa members are out of the army and they would have an Asian Tour too bad our country is not included.

        Yokai Ningen Bem, can’t wait to read your review. I watched the first episode but then I got distracted with other things. Will definitely finish watching.

        • Ender's Girl Says:

          Oh I didn’t know there was such a thing as Indie Kpop, silly me. I thought Kpop was all bubblegum and bangles, lol.

          YNB – I’m down to my last episode. The drama lost some steam for me by getting repetitive and heavy-handed in dishing the moral lessons, but the topless Kame moneyshot every episode was enuff reason to keep watching, haha. 😉

  12. Helicidae Says:

    Newsflash: Jin in trouble for lyrics:

    And the drama continues.

    • leilana Says:

      Holy quince, dude, what the fuck is that shit?! Ewwwwww. *remembers the lyrics from “Seasons” and starts to cry like a baby*

    • leilana Says:

      On the other hand, I just remembered that interview about the meaning of “Lovejuice” and now all I can imagine is Bakanishi muttering “Well… it’s gross if you say blowjob and rape…” BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Really, Jin, really?!

      • Ender's Girl Says:

        LMAO!!! 😀 (Hey I kinda remember this interview!!! And I can’t believe I already “eeewd” at Lovejuice when I first heard it. Because That’s What She Said out-grosses ’em all.)

      • Helicidae Says:

        I can so picture him showing this exact reaction. You know, Aquaneesha’s really, really shy in real life. And doesn’t have any Japanese accent when speaking English. Unless he’s impersonating Jamaicans, of course.

    • Ender's Girl Says:

      Well that is some vile & prurient stuff right there. @__@ I mean WTF JinJin? This is pretty low even for a man-slut like him. Ugh to the infinite powwah. I guess Bakanishi (and those Warner geniuses who helped him cut an album) thought that a song about forced fellatio would be a real barnburner. Whoopee @______@

      And is it just me, or do the lyrics sound like the effin’ Teletubbies could’ve co-written the song with Jin? Hahahaha


      • Helicidae Says:

        Arama is on fire! Some people even suggested throwing dictionaries at him at concerts. Can you believe that? They cannot do such an outrageous thing! What a waste of a perfectly innocent and useful book.

        Consider me officially a fan-gone-ex-fan. And I’m suffering from a not-so-milde case of vicarious embarrassment. Are there any support groups out there for patients like me?

        Seriously, how can some people still defend his actions?

        (And I love your Teletubbies theory. Makes perfect sense. I pity the audience though. Even more than usual.)

        • Ariel Says:

          Those are some very sick lyrics, now if Johnny san said that he will punish Jin for putting out this album I will be 100% behind him carrying the paddle. Bad Bakanishi!!!

        • Ender's Girl Says:

          Lol my heart goes out to all those poor dictionaries thrown at Jinny. I don’t know if that’s a good idea though — knowing Jin he’ll just use them to mangle more English words for his ever-growing Bakabulary (or, Dick-tionary?) @___@ (Hurling Molotov cocktails would’ve been better.)

          “Consider me officially a fan-gone-ex-fan. And I’m suffering from a not-so-milde case of vicarious embarrassment. Are there any support groups out there for patients like me?” — Chyeeahhh, I believe one group is called “Bakaholics Anonymous” — you introduce yourself by saying “Hi, I’m ___ and I’ve been Jin-sober for __ days now.” Then the rest of the group have to say in unison, “That’s gonna be banana!” Lolz. 😛

          But seriously, you’re dropping Jin for good? I dunno if I’d be as resolute as you — but then I never considered myself a Jin fan to begin with. Incidentally, I was listening to “Eternal” on the train this afternoon (yeah the track’s a staple on my phone’s playlist xD), and not once did that awwwful “That’s What She Said” turd of a song enter my mind. Yay.

          • Helicidae Says:

            Dick-tionary! Bakaholics! Jin-sober *dies* Too funny.

            > But seriously, you’re dropping Jin for good?
            I’ve never been a die-hard fan either. Jin was more of a guilty pleasure. I discovered the insanity that is JE – including Jin – the same year you did, 2009, via “Nobuta Wo Produce”. (Once you know who Kame is, you also know who Jin is…)

            Back then, Jin was [sic!] both, adorkable and hot. To be honest, I’ve never cared much for most of his work with the exception of “Anego”. As you stated in an earlier entry, he’s not the world’s greatest actor. (I couldn’t sit through Yukan Club and still want the two hours back that I wasted on Gokusen 2.) But he did have some real chemistry with the leading lady.

            What endeared him most to me though, was the fact that unlike most other Johnny’s he took an interest in the world outside of Japan: hanging with foreigners, studying English abroad, following the American entertainment industry… He seemed like a open-minded, cool guy. Too bad he was stuck in a cheesy Japanese boy band.
            So when he decided to go solo and try his luck in America, I was excited and curious how this new-found artistic freedom would translate into his work.

            Two years later we know: Offensive Engrish lyrics and mostly mediocre tunes. And still this annoyingly mopey diva attitude. I’m still looking forward to “47 Ronins” – but my expectations aren’t too high. I think he’d be best advised if he took a nice long break in order to focus on his new family and work on an all new image. Gain some cross cultural awareness. Stop smoking.
            Because right now, he annoys the hell out of me.

          • Helicidae Says:

            I forgot to add: I never bothered to listen to his entire œuvre since his music is not really my cup of tea. So I can’t say much about many of his songs. I don’t know them that well.
            But I do like his “Olympos” album. (Which he didn’t write himself, right?) His voice sounds good. “Wonder” is a very catchy song while “Love Juice” (minus the lyrics) is surprisingly decent.

            But overall, I’m much more interested in J-dramas than in J-Pop.

          • Ender's Girl Says:

            I didn’t even go near Yukan Club (so it was that bad, huh?), but yeah, I enjoyed Jin’s chemistry with Shinohara Ryoko in Anego (tha woman is HAWT, whatcanIsay). Jin was so cute as Kurosawa! 🙂 Too bad the drama focused too much on Anego’s relationship with that dullard of a married man, ugh.

            “(Once you know who Kame is, you also know who Jin is…)” – LOLOLOLOL but SOOO TRUUUUE 😀 I think of all those wasted hours I spent viewing Akame vids on Youtube when I should’ve been working on my papers for grad school. (I was never late for a submission but… dayyum, Akame nearly ATE UP MY LIFE back in 2009. @_@)

            “But I do like his “Olympos” album. (Which he didn’t write himself, right?)” – Erm I honestly don’t know. I think you know more Jin songs than I do! 😉 I’m more familiar with the KAT-TUN songs than his solo efforts. (I’ve listened to Eternal, Bass Go Boom, Christmas Day, Lovejuice, Test Drive and Sun Burns Down, but that’s about it.)

            “And still this annoyingly mopey diva attitude. I’m still looking forward to “47 Ronins” – but my expectations aren’t too high. I think he’d be best advised if he took a nice long break in order to focus on his new family and work on an all new image.”

            But if he takes a break now, he might not have a U.S. career to come back to — not that he has much of one at the moment, heh. IMO the boy needs to gain a critical mass of U.S. followers first — and I mean first-time fans, not carry-overs from his KAT-TUN heyday. Because if music fans stateside don’t give two figs right now about BadassBananaMrEggplantRapperJinJin, why will they care if he comes back 8 months later as ReformedWholesomeFamilyGuyJinJin, who does covers of Kenny Rankin songs (preferably from the Return to Pooh Corner album lol) instead of his usual profanity-laced R&B/dance-pop tracks? :O

            Re 47 Ronin, I’m also looking forward to this, 20% because it’s Keanu, 30% because it’s a samurai flick, and 50% ‘coz I wanna see just how little screen time Jinny is gonna get in the final cut, hahaha 😀 And if he gets less exposure than Edison Chen’s blink-and-you’ll-miss appearance in The Dark Knight, someone will be laughing very loudly in the movie house come November 😉

            (LOLOL @ “stop smoking” 😀 Btw, I read somewhere that it was Jinny who taught Kame to use the cancer stick. Then when Jin was America in 2006, Kame reportedly wasn’t seen smoking as much. You can take a wild guess what happened when Jin came back. @__@ Moral of the story: Kame is Jin’s bitch!!! Chyeahhh!!! #Akame4vr)

      • leilana Says:

        Bwahahahahahahaha, this picture is so full of win!

    • doozy Says:

      My curiosity was piqued after I saw E.G.’s teletubbies and so ouldn’t resist clicking on the newsflash link. I wish I hadn’t because.. seriously, wtf is that?!

      I can’t even… just wow..

      • Ender's Girl Says:

        Oh NOOO doozy say you didn’t CLICK ON THAT LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :OOOOOOOO *facepalm x8374347* Imma turn those dratted ‘tubbies into Tubby Custard, this is all their fault! *shakes fist* (“Eh-oh. Uh-oh! Run away! Run away! Bibberly cheese!” lol)

        Well, now you know how the rest of us feel about… Poet Laureate Jin. @__@ And with all those creative (Love)juices flowing, he might as well do a follow-up song. Might I suggest a few lines:

        That’s What Jin Said!

        I got a pen*s for a brain – That’s what Jin said
        My IQ is 69 and dropping – That’s what Jin said
        I eat my own boogers – That’s what Jin said
        I wish Kame had a uterus – That’s what Jin said

        [Followed by the obligatory infantile refrain]

        Up down left right blue red yellow green circle square triangle
        Baba beddy-bye binkie blankie boo-boo cootchi-coo goo goo ga ga
        Num nums pee-pee poo-poo sleepy-bye tummy wee-wee widdo yum-yum


        @______________@ (IdunnowhyImevendoingthissss)


        Anyone’s free to add a line or two. 😀 Let’s meme this b*tch up! hahahaha

        • leilana Says:

          I laughed like an idiot for an entire minute. This is awesome. *sheds a tear of pride*

        • leilana Says:

          I JUST had to share this on my Facebook group dedicated to Asian guys. Of course, I credited you. ^_^

          • Ender's Girl Says:

            Hey thanks for letting me know, I really appreciate it 😉 (even though “That’s What Jin Said!” isn’t exactly the kind of song I want to take credit for hahaha =P)

        • Helicidae Says:

          It was so hard and way too big. – That’s what Jin said.
          Why on my face, you stupid shit? – That’s what Jin said.
          Blood stains and love juice everywhere! – That’s what Jin said.
          Think I need a doctor and a sherry. – That’s what Jin said.
          Cause I was hit with a big, fat dictionary. – That’s what Jin said.

          Orgy-porgy, fans no fun,
          Raging mad and not just one.
          Me hate books with lots of words.
          Ouchy-grouchy, my head hurts.

          (I think I lost a few brain cells in the process of writing this.)

          • doozy Says:

            E.G. and Helicidae! You both rock!

          • Ender's Girl Says:

            ROFLMAO this is gold Helicidae! (especially the “dictionary” punchline — without it I’d think this was about something else bwahaha :-P)

            Now I’m imagining Jin oafishly swaying from side to side, Barney-esque, and singing your song while munching on a cheeseburger. Classic. The rhyming+simple words also remind me of Gurgi, a character from one of my favorite fantasy series, The Chronicles of Prydain. 😀

            Looks like our Mr Eggplant here oughtta eat more eggplant, because eggplant is a superbrainfood! xD

          • Helicidae Says:

            > Now I’m imagining Jin oafishly swaying from side to side, Barney-esque, and singing your song while munching on a cheeseburger. Classic.

            Something along the lines of this? 😉


            *sighs* What am I only doing? I need to study… No time for a lenthier reply this time! Sorry! 😦
            *back to work*

          • leilana Says:

            THAT’S AWESOME!

          • leilana Says:

            By the way, I shared this as well on my group. And I want to thank both you and E.G. on behalf of all of us who were terrified by this so-called song.

        • doozy Says:

          Indeed, I did..
          The mention of lovejuice from your posts of Jin’s previous uh.. endeavor should’ve given me a hint as to the content of the lyrics but morbid curiosity got the best of me..

          E.G. you so crazy but I LOVE THIS!!! ahahhaha

          • Ender's Girl Says:

            Hahaha thanks doozy!!! 😀

            (I can’t imagine your Mickey Yoochun pulling this kind of crap in his recording career, so good for you! heehee ;-))

  13. Hilarious as always!! 😀 Made my day Sankyou *bows*

  14. gaijin mark Says:

    The kid is costing him already. This was in Sankei Sports today:

    “Johnny’s Wrath: Akanishi Tour Canceled Due to Marriage/Baby Drama
    Punished for his “failing in propriety as an adult member of society”

    March 24, 2012

    Singer Jin Akanishi was supposed to make a grand return to Japan with seven arena shows following his five city North American tour, but those plans have all been canceled by his talent agency as punishment for his recent marriage/baby situation we previously reported on.

    Akanishi and actress Meisa Kuroki (currently three months pregnant) handed in their marriage registration February 2nd. The pair did this without briefing their agencies, however, and Johnny and Associates (who also reps SMAP, Arashi, Sexy Zone, etc.) did not take kindly to this slight.

    In fact, not only are the calling a full stop on his upcoming tour, but they are making him personally cover any related penalty fees. Tickets hadn’t gone on sale yet for the April-May shows, but there is still the matter of the arena reservations, the cancellation fees of which could be pretty costly. “

    • leilana Says:

      Jinny darling, this is what you get for marrying Meisa without announcing His Creepiness first. You mean, mean boy!

      • gaijin mark Says:

        I guess it’s “officially official” now. Today Meisa issued this press release:
        “Kuroki Meisa officially announces her pregnancy

        Actress Kuroki Meisa was rumored to be pregnant when she married singer Akanishi Jin back in February. On April 14th, she sent a fax to several media outlets, officially confirming that she is currently 4-months pregnant!

        Kuroki started the message with a brief apology, “After I had pregnancy symptoms, I suffered from poor health frequently. It was my first time experiencing this, and it was a time of uneasiness.” She explained that after getting advice from the doctor, she waited to announce the pregnancy until she was in her stable period.

        Kuroki continued, “Right now, I’m both mentally and physically stable. I’m happy and I’m filled with a sense of responsibility for this new life that I’ve been blessed with.” While she is due in mid-October, the actress expressed her joy of becoming a mother saying, ”We want to combine our powers as husband and wife, and pour all our love into this child.” “

        • gaijin mark Says:

          And the hits just keep on coming! Now they’ve postponed the opening of the “47 Ronin” movie from this November to next February. I sooooo had my heart set on seeing Keanu Reeves and Jin teaming up on the big screen. Somehow I will manage to survive.

          • gaijin mark Says:

            But wait folks, there’s more. Now we have this bit of news: “Blog reports that EXILE’s AKIRA might have been chosen to take over Akanishi Jin’s role in upcoming “GTO” drama ”

            Next time we see Jin in L.A., he might be standing at freeway off-ramp with a sign, “Please buy my CD, baby needs a new pair of shoes!!”

          • leilana Says:

            Tears in my eyes at the above post ^ Good job, Mark! *rofl*

          • Helicidae Says:

            More bad news: According to an Arama article Jin’s sudden marriage got Johnny-san so mad that he threw not a mere tantrum but a spoon. Reports are unclear, however, if any party involved has suffered cutlery induced injuries.

  15. Ana Says:

    You have such a wicked wicked wicked sense of humour!:-D Thank God I wasn’t eating anything while reading this post or I would have choked while laughing:-D.Enjoyed reading your post.As always:-)

  16. gaijin mark Says:

    Well, she had a girl. Here’s the official, official announcement:
    “It was announced that actress Kuroki Meisa has given birth to her first baby in the afternoon of September 23rd. It was a baby girl, and both Kuroki and the baby are in healthy condition.

    Reportedly, Kuroki’s husband, singer, Akanishi Jin was with Kuroki in the delivery room, and the couple released a comment in their joint names that says, “We would like to continue living our days full of laughter.””

    That last line was obviously written by somebody at one of the agencies that’s never had any kids.

  17. Peggy Says:

    Oh the pity of it all. Used to be in the days of Rembrandt that a pre-marriage happy event was almost desirable. Meant you were fit and able to procreate. That used to be what marriage was all about. I wonder what happend in Japan? Johnny? Maybe..Must be.
    Well I give my blessing to the couple who were brave enough to live life.
    A long happy marriage in JE is almost miraculous. I guess the word has to be endurance. What are the odds this time.
    There’s an old song…
    Mean to me..why must you be mean to me
    Oh honey why can’t you see
    You’ve gone and left me crying
    I don’t know why………………etc etc etc

    Ah well E.G. once the bloom is off the cactus, all that’s left is sharp spines.

    Wonder what that means…….

  18. Peggy Says:

    E.G. Where are you? Life is good

  19. NyNy Says:

    OMG, this made me laugh even though I’m not a fan.

    Just asking, would it be possible to comment your opinion of what you know about idols and the music industry would be very helpful in this post:

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