News Nibbly: Idols Jin and Meisa Tie the Knot Before You Can Say “Dekichatta Kekkon”
Jin Takes Meisa for a Test Drive, and Guess Who Calls ‘Shotgun!’
by Ender’s Girl
Last February 2nd, at the Akanishi-Kuroki Nuptials…
So news is out that Akanishi Jin, who by the look of things spent the better part of his adult life taking his, uh, WildOatsMobile for more Test Drives than he can probably remember, is now a Married Man – and maybe a Dad-to-Be as well, with brand-new wifey Kuroki Meisa rumored to be a couple of months impregnito (lol). Shocker, I know. (While Meisa’s condition isn’t official (yet), her abrupt cancelation of all media and event appearances a few days before the Feb. 15 launch of her new album has kept the grapevine buzzing and those raised eyebrows, well, raised.)
Going by the number of blog posts I’ve devoted to His YellowGoldness, I suppose congratulations are in order for the (happy? happyish? hapless?) couple… never mind that the announcement came right out of left field (specifically, from “WTF?” territory); never mind that the image of Jin settling down with anyone is as incongruous as that of Dame Kiri Te Kanawa front-acting a KAT-TUN concert, hahaha (shudderz!). And never mind that marriage+parenthood is usually career anathema for J-poppers like Jin and Meisa, whose Young!Hot!&Desirable personas
are what put food on the table are their main selling points – Meisa perfecting the smoky sexpot-chanteuse act and Jinny Boy livin’ it up as the club-hoppin’, hoodie-wearin’, hoochie-bangin’ hedonist named… Aquaneesha.
Although statistically speaking, Meisa stands to lose more career-wise than Jin. Many female pop artists are viewed as “short-term brands” compared to male artists since their commercial viability is largely a function of looks, age, and accessibility (or desirability) to their fans. It’s hard to brand yourself as fun, flirty and fancy-free when you’re already someone else’s wife and popping babies left and right (just ask Kudo Shizuka, lol) – especially in a youth-obsessed industry like Japan’s. (Queen of J-Pop Amuro Namie would be one of the few exceptions.) But I daresay Meisa will find a way to bounce back via her film and TV work; a case in point is Takeuchi Yuko, who’s still very much in the biz after surviving her own dekichatta kekkon and subsequent divorce from (and ugly custody battle with) that kabuki dude. (Not that… this is the path I envision for Meisa, lol. As, er, tempting as it would be to hear Jin perform OutKast’s Ms. Jackson and really feeeel the lyrics, heh.)
On a side note, my first thought after hearing the news was, “Poor Kame must be KRUSHED!” Hahaha. And sorry to all the Akame slashfic writers out there, but Meisa just redefined the M in the word “Mpreg.” Hahaha. Speaking of which, this brings to mind a certain Akame Mpreg fic that I found floating around one of the LiveJournal JE comms. The title? “First Comes Marriage, then Comes Love” (or sumthin’ like that). BWAHAHAHA. I stopped short of reading the fic itself (sh*t wuz too freaky, lol), but the synopsis read like a classic one-night-stand-leads-to-unplanned-pregnancy-and-quickie-wedding tale. Ohoho the irony.
In their statements, released more than a week after the wedding, Jin and Meisa implored their fans to continue to support their careers, adding they were determined to “deliver (his) best” (Jin’s words) and “work even harder than before” (Meisa’s). Well, I don’t doubt Meisa – the girl is used to juggling acting, singing/dancing and modeling duties anyway. But I’m less sure about Jinny, who signed with Warner Music in late 2010 but whose crossover US career has really yet to hit full stride, despite launching a social media blitz that included opening a Twitter account (which also enabled him to flirt in weird Engrish with other pop artists), and a Youtube channel documenting his L.A. exploits – including, but not limited to, buying a new set of wheels and attempting awkward bro handshakes with his Ultimate Idol Justin Bieber. (Ohboyohboy!)
The documentary series happens to bear the overly ambitious (and rather unfortunate) title of “The Takeover.” (But then this is Jin, so “The Hangover” woulda been more apropos. LOL) But what exactly Jin is bent on taking over, isn’t made clear. Taking over some dinky little recording studio (and one of the 1,455 littered all over L.A.), so he can churn out yet another generic-sounding pop album? Taking over an itty bitty corner of the Internet so he can digitally release two singles? Taking over neon-lit parking basements so he can feel up half-dressed chicks on the hoods of shiny cars while crooning lewd innuendoes, like he does in the “Test Drive” music video? (Maybe that’s it!!! Ohboyohboy!)
Memo to Bakanishi: dude you ain’t the first dance/R&B singer to feel up half-dressed chicks atop shiny cars in neon-lit parking basements while lip-syncing for a music video, just so y’know. What makes it even funnier (or sadder) is that the director of the “Test Drive” MV (hoochie count: 13) called this production “epic.” Hahahaha. Toss in Jin’s latest release, the “Sun Burns Down” MV (hoochie count: 1) for a grand total of two “epic” – as in epically derivative and cliché-ridded – music videos. And since Jin’s US success has largely been on the digital front, does this mean he gets paid in digital money, too? Like… the 50 gold coins I earn every Monday as a Game of Nerds player? No? It isn’t the same? Is he sure? Hahahaha. Because Jin’s gonna need a whole lotta moolah now that he’s a Family Man, yo. Not to mention that this calls for a drastic change in his lifestyle and spending habits. Fellow blogger zooey put it best when we shared snark over the news: “Bye bye sports car, hello minivan.” (LAWL!)
In related buzz, Jin’s senpai Takizawa Hideaki is said to be veddy, veddy pissed that Jin broke the Jimusho’s No. 1 cardinal rule: that talents MUST remain celibate and unattached for the next 65 years (or until Johnny-san releases them into the Void because their idol careers have bitten the dust). (KimuTaku was the first to break said rule, and he got away with it simply because He.Is.KimuTaku. You need real balls to go out and just do it, Tackey dear. Or at least a preggers girlfriend for that matter, hyukhyuk.) Meanwhile, Johnny K. is reportedly hopping mad and “considering punishing” his 27-year-old talent. (Hahahaha srsly Johnny-san srsly??? The old man really has gone batcrap crazy. Next thing you know he’ll be crashing Hey!Say!JUMP concert stages dressed as a sushi roll.) Furthermore, Johnny-san has ordered YamaPi and Nishikido Ryo to avoid their close pal (and fellow Roppongi party boy) Jin like a vicious STD, lest his contumacy and scandalous ways rub off them!!! *double rolleyes*
Reader Helicidae has a (gut-bustingly funny) theory of her own:
Word is out that Johnny-san’s mad as a horny… a hornet… since Jinny Dearest conveniently forgot to inform his lord and master about the impending nuptials. (Which makes on wonder: Could it be possible that said lord and master is entitled to some kind of jus primae noctis in case one of his underlings plans on tying the knot? Would definitely explain why so many of them are still single.)
(Bwahahahahaha. Makes perfect sense, ne?)
Well, what’s done is done. The bun’s in the oven, the ring’s on the finger, the wedding cake’s been eaten (by Jin of course). I doubt that anybody really wanted this to happen (Jin and Meisa least of all, lol), but who knows – maybe they’ll actually be happy together, with their little Baka-babies tearing around the house. Or maybe they’ll be headed for splitsville after only two years. Maybe one of them will hit a breakthrough in their career, while the other will see their star quietly fade in the months to come. Or maybe this whole marriage+baby scandal will blow over in no time and create less of an impact on both their careers than we predicted. Maybe anything – who really knows for sure? At least they’re keeping
little Formalin-kun the baby. Responsibility is a big word, but Jin is manning up and showing Johnny Kame everyone that he knows what it means.
In closing, here’s a clip of Massive Attack performing “Protection” – which we all know is something Jin and Meisa are now wishing they had used a little more of, lol. So enjoy the song! It’s one of my faves. And Happy Month of Hearts (or what’s left of it)!
Youtube uploaders: affamatievisionari, 1497mo
(And thanks to blog readers Te Wan Kim and leilana for being my first news source. XD)