Posted tagged ‘KAT-TUN’

Tuesdays with Mori

December 2, 2010

Mori Katsuyuki’s Underground Weekly Advice Column for Disgruntled Johnnies and Ex-Johnnies

by Ender’s Girl

Below is the excerpted correspondence between professional speedway racer (and ex-SMAP member) Mori Katsuyuki, and letter-sender Akanishi Jin, formerly of the JE group KAT-TUN.

Letters after the jump!

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Vid Clip: Change Ur World PV (KaT-TUN)

November 24, 2010

Holy Smokes, Did You Feel That? KaT-TUN Just Changed.Our.World!!!

by Ender’s Girl

Well well well, looky looky! Guess whose latest single (from their 2010 studio album No More Pain) sold 118,000 copies on its first day and went on to become the group’s 13th consecutive single to top the weekly Oricon charts????? *pauses for breath*

Ah, the purchasing power of KaT-TUN* fangarls the world over!!!

*I refuse to accept Kamenashi’s co-opting of Jin’s “A” — and Johnny K. can’t make me! I’m no fan of Jin’s, but by gum, the dude earned that “A is for Akanishi” through his blood, sweat and… er, lovejuice, and member or not, he oughtta be allowed to take the damn letter with him all the way to Eeemrricaa! *pounds gavel*

Anyway. Leave it to our favorite JE muffinboys to pick the most grandiloquently titled ditties to sing. They already threatened vowed to “make it worldwide” in their song “Gold”, so why not “change your world” while they’re at it? Or is it possible that Kame & his four backdancers — hehehe, jez kiddin’ – I meant Kame & Co. are feeling extra competitive now that ex-mate Jinny Boy is in the thick of his equally ambitious-sounding Yellow Gold 3010 U.S. tour? Did the remaining KaT-TUN members construe this as Jin throwing down the (pink sequin-studded) gauntlet to – what, an Auto-Tune sing-off? (bwahahaha) Fancy that, five Johnnies and their former leader, vying for global supremacy — one heavily synthesized cheesygay pop tune at a time. The very fate of JE fandom hangs in the balance! Let the JE Hunger Games begin!!! *honks on rusty vuvuzela*

So sit back, relax, and feel the sheer diastrophic powers of KaT-TUN’s latest single re-shape the very foundations of your world!!! (NOT. As if. Hahahahah you be trippin’ again, Johnny-san?)

PV after the jumpy!

Pic: KAT-TUN Chewing Gum Ad

September 17, 2010

L.M.F.A.O.
(Pick a Fruit Now!)

by Ender’s Girl

You know your blog is headed for Sh*tsville when your last 83727 or so posts have been nothing but an endless pimp parade of movie trailers and music videos, random musings on things J-pop, unapologetic picspams of J-hotties, and prurient discourses on, um, unusual anatomical sightings. (Heh heh) And now, indulge me yet again as I add to the content pollution of the blogosphere by posting another snapshot that betrays far, far more than it originally intended to. (Sankyouuu to Helicidae for sharing the link in the comments section of a previous post. You don’t know how much this photo made my day, Helicidae!)

The ironic thing is that despite Japan’s penchant for wordplay and punning, the creative super-geniuses behind this bubble gum ad campaign featuring the KAT-TUN boys (in happier days, tsk) apparently failed to grasp the situational irony (or sheer WTFLOLLery) of plastering six JE androgynes (wait that’s redundant, lol) above a banner proclaiming the “Power of Fruits.” Oh, the power of the written word! Hahahaha

And, ahhh — the poor things, they never had a clue, lol. While they stood in front of the camera and posed in their (uncharacteristically) preppy vests and sweaters, too cool for the gum sticks they were holding, little did they know that the very language that they just loved to mangle to an unrecognizable degree in their songs — would later exact its sly vengeance through this delicious double entendre. Fruits for the fruits indeed, bwahahaha.

The comments from the Engrish.com post, most of them coming from people who had absolutely no idea who — or more accurately, what — KAT-TUN were, just freakin’ killed me. Here are a few choice morsels:

Darth Nav’i: “People here say they are not gay in real life but who knows. Think most of the Fruit Power gang is SMAP,most popular gaylike group in Japan for years. Loved by all. Laughed at by all foreigners, I suspect. Anyway, funny!”

Wile E. Coyote Super Genius: “Carson Kressly moves into music management.”

phoenixx: “well at least they warn you how bad they are”

John M: “The one on the left [meaning Junno] looks like a vegetable to me.”

*dies laughing*

MOAR ROFLtastic comments here.

Random Fandom: SMAP and KaT-TUN, Mori and Jin

August 5, 2010

To the Faithless Departed
(Because Johnny-san Hates! Members! Who! Leave! Him!!!)

by Ender’s Girl

Johnny & Jin in happier days

Something funny happened at the KaT-TUN concert in Tokyo Dome.

(Yes I know you’re sick of KAT-TUN, lol. Don’t worry, this isn’t about them. Er, technically.)

Don’t Shoot the Messengers?

Last July 25th, Johnny Kitagawa sent Akanishi Jin a message. — In a bottle, you say??? No!!! — In a — Johnny!!! Actually — No!!! — In a pair of Johnnies, to be exact! Tokyohive reports that during the July 25th MC portion of KaT-TUN’s World Big 2010 Tour (WTF World Big????? hahahahaha), the topic turned to TV dramas that members had co-starred in. And Kamenashi Kazuya, ever Johnny’s loyal hatchet man-thing, pointedly asked Taguchi Junnosuke if he had ever done a drama with another member before, to which Junno (aka The Member Least Likely to Act Like an Ass — Until Now) replied that no he had not, (conveniently) forgetting that he had actually done not one, but two dramas with newly minted ex-member Akanishi Jin. (Yukan Club in 2007 and Omae no Yukichi ga Naiteiru in 2001.)

Junno’s loaded denial sparked off a wave of indignation among Jin fans and prompted heated reactions that Kame and Junno’s snarky exchange was tantamount to “mistreatment” of the former KaT-TUN idol. (Snarky yes, but… mistreatment? LAWL riiiight. What is Jin, a 4-year-old child locked away under the stairs?) Both camps (Jin vs. KaT-TUN) have since exchanged accusations and sundry excuses, all swinging from the “keep blinking real hard until you get the logic behind them” headscratch-worthy variety, to the downright LOLWHATesque — like, Technically Jin isn’t part of the band no mo’, so Junno wasn’t obliged to mention him!!! Or — maybe Junno simply forgot!!! He forgot that he did those two dramas with Jin, amongst the — um, oodles of dramas he’s done it’s so hard keeping track of ‘em all!!!

Click to read MOAR!!! MOAR!!!

Graphics: Anatomy of a J-Pop Breakup (Akanishi Jin & KaT-TUN)

July 22, 2010

MemberJin Is Dead, Long Live SoloJin!!!

by Ender’s Girl

Within days of Johnny Kitagawa’s big announcement that Akanishi Jin will leave KAT-TUN to focus on his, um, solo career in um, Eeemrricaa (copyright jicks, lol), Jin confirmed his sudden exit in a statement posted on the official JE mobile site. So I guess it’s final, then.

I actually have no strong opinion on this matter, as I was never really a Jin fan outside his adorrrrkable role as Kurosawa in Anego. So one little part of me says “Good luck, Jin!” (to borrow from Mission: Impossible), while another part says, “This U.S. career will self-destruct in 5 months.” *KA-BOOM* — (to, uh, also borrow from Mission: Impossible, haha). I only hope the boy knows what he’s getting into, for as we know too well, many a bright-eyed Asian pop sensation (more talented and popular than Jin himself, or KAT-TUN for that matter) has tried to break into the Western market, and — well, failed. (Exhibit A: Bi)

It will obviously take more than Engrish English proficiency to successfully carve out one’s niche in the U.S. market, much less launch any kind of career there. This isn’t just about knowing how to say “Please pass the salad, thank you very much” with an American twang, or even about making “appearances” in the L.A. club scene with hopes of getting noticed by shady gay benefactors talent scouts and record company execs. Jin will need the right representation and choice of projects, a whole lotta talent, and a whole lotta luck too — which translates to “being in the right place at the right time.” And um, did I also say, a whole lotta talent? Lulz. Anyway, everything is still up in the air, so who knows, right? *shrugs* Besides, at this point only one thing is certain: IF and when Jin’s American Dreamz only end up exploding into a red and black haze of Johnny pixie dust, there won’t be any Plan B (= KAT-TUN) waiting back home like there was in 2007. For the times, they are a-changing… So Bakanishi wants to do America? Well, it’s do or die, Jinny boy.

But I know that somewhere out there, as you read this very word, a KAT-TUN fangirl’s little heart is breaking in two. So here’s a bunch of graphics that I tinkered with last night until this mornin’, me is slow with Photoshop, sees to bring a little cheer during these dark days… or not, lol. These graphics go out to jicks and to all the Jin fans out there — whether you think his escape exit from the group that he’s been with since boyhood is a wise career move, or the dumbest thing a J-Pop Idoru can ever do.

Enjoy!

(Click on the photos to enlarge.)

Click to see MOAR graphics!!! MOAR MOAR!!!

News Nibbly: KAT-TUN Turn Normal for a Day, Hold Korea Press Con (7.1.2010)

July 8, 2010

Aigoo, There’s Something in the Kimchi!!!

by Ender’s Girl

The J-boys of the Red & Black Brigade (sans The Pouty One, who took a hiatus from group duties and is now presumed to be working in California as a grape picker while holding solo gigs on the side and enriching his English vocabulary with a couple of new expletives per day) were recently in Seoul to promote their latest album “No More Pain” as well as the Aug. 6 & 7 leg of their grandiloquently named “KAT-TUN World Big Tour.” *cue laugh track from horrified readers*

Usually bedecked with everything from shiny metal foil to dead furry animals to dumpster contents, KAT-TUN members Kamenashi Kazuya, Ueda Tatsuya, Nakamaru Yuichi, Taguchi Junnosuke and, uh, Koki, shocked many of their Korean fans by showing up at the press con in… uh… Real Clothes, causing not a few to wonder if their trim dark suits and freshly scrubbed appearance were a deliberate departure from the Angry Young Twinkies image they have religiously cultivated back home.

Quickie comments on their brief foray into Normalclothesland:

Kame – Loving the skinny tie and three-piece suit. I’m glad he’s growing out his hair, but those Morita Go peroxide streaks have to go. Seriously.

Koki – OHHEMGEE he’s not naked for once!!! Less scary, yes? Ah Koki Koki Kokiiii, look what dignity and gravitas a shirt can bring, ne? And with that pomaded-back hair, he could pass for the Corleone family’s distant Japanese cousin. (“Bonasera… Yuh neveh even call me Gawwwdfahthuh…” lulz)

Ueda – Uh, with the brown bob, vest and shirt, he looks like one of those boys from “The Swiss Family Robinson.” (Fritz?) Or from a Robert Louis Stevenson novel. (Jim Hawkins?) At least he durn’t look like no girly-girl for once. But that lip-pursing thing is worse than Jin’s, I tell ya. More annoying, too.

Junno – Ooohhh, shiny! lulz. Maybe the silver tie+silver lapels are a tad too much, but I love Junno’s smile best of all. So radiant. And genuine.

Maru – Oi! Preppy Boi! I like his suit, the dorky tie fits his personality. And he definitely has the best hair of the lot. Totally someone I’d ask out to the prom. Safe, nice, decent, can beat-box, will most likely use a napkin. Yep, without a doubt the ideal prom date.

Excerpts from their interview with 10Asia are as follows (with, uh, extra commentary from E.G.):

Click to read MOAR!!! MOAR!!!